03-08-06

legalese mumbo jumbo

well, im going for my op tomorrow. i was supposed to paint the town red today, at chris' suggestion, but having found that my only bottle of red paint has congealed into a smelly (red) mess over the years ive had it, i had other thoughts and decided to do the *other* thing chris suggested i do. so here it is, in all its wonder, my first will.

this is not a legal document, so all you weasel/ambulance-chaser types can move along now.

legalese mumbo jumbo legalese mumbo jumbo

firstly, id like to thank everyone who's known me and tolerated me so far. i know im a bag of weird personalities, and i do impose on people sometimes, so im thankful to all of you all. especially if you read this instead of hearing it at a legal thing. and if you hear this at one of those legal things, then im already at the clearing at the end of the path, which makes this all the more meaningful. to me, anyway.

secondly, i dont have a secondly.

now, simply not to waste your time by being pre-humously long-winded, ill go on to the willing of stuff.

june, my zon, will go to daniel, simply because he needs it more than i do (actually, everyone needs it more than i do, now). my ibanez will go to melena, i think she'll like it. or maybe she'll give it to someone else. that really doesnt matter.

the whole $3.10 to my name goes to chris, whom i owe 4 dollars in cash and a lot more in other ways. bugger, that leaves 90 cents. ah, you can have the wallet as well, i suppose. and the atm card, if it does you any good :) i leave you many thanks for what you have done for me.

wow. very few worldly possessions. thats pretty sad. almost nothing to will away! but im actually trying to figure out how to will memories/experiences tho (which, obviously, you cant).

um, i want to be cremated and scattered into the sea. yup.

and, if, you hear thumping on the coffin before it goes into the furnace, *that* means that the anesthetics has finally worn off and can you please get me out of here?!>>

11-7-06

the cat's answer

um, what i actually mean to say today is that when ive laid most of my cards out in the open, and you turn away, it makes me feel that ive done something wrong, that something, in me, is the limiting factor, the cause of the not-willing-to-go-further-ness. the feeling that im not good enough. not for you, but as a general idea. im not expecting you to do anything different, i actually am fine with the way things are, just that id offer much more than a penny for your thoughts.

yupz. if you've actually had to decode that message at all, it isnt meant for you. its just that i speak better when im blogging and slightly drunk, and ill probably (against my better judgement) want to put this down for posterity.

was running around at work today, was actually behind work for a bit, cos the computer was out for a week. still managed to meet most of my deadlines tho, which is what really matters to me.

hopefully tomorrow will be more slack, and i can have time to actually flip thru my chem tys and see what i can brush up on before heading to dee's house tomorrow. wanna be of some use, and i realise ive forgotten many of my basic chem stuff (like what arenes are, and reaction ratios and what not).>>

10-7-06

the flaring up of a match

been a heck of a weekend. supposed to blog before i slept on sunday night to keep it all in, but apparently i was so tired - and my dad was on the computer anyway - that i crashed out yesterday. overslept today like i was supposed to, and got my mc reworded so i wont have to go for those long distance walks twice a week in camp.

which is good, now that the knee problem is back. im starting on a glucosamine (read: cartilage supplements) regime so i hope the wear and tear will be taken down a step. its come back, perhaps due to extreme psychosomatic activity.

getting back to the frantic weekend. saturday was particularly abnormal already. waited for tong so that we could go to church together, called her and expected her to call back after her project finished. forgot she doesnt have caller id. so i called her again just in time just to catch her at lot 1 trying to get a cab. so i cab down (with my brother), pick her up, and off we go to church.

dropped them off at church and went to peninsular plaza to get my strings and cables for the youth. strings are so expensive, especially when you play a 6. the DR set set me back 50 bucks. but oh well.

back to church, changed up, had a crazy youth anni. it was great fun. dont really see the youths in uniform yeah, especially not the old folks (chris, joel) and the poly folks (nana, euclid). chris was cool in acjc, tong was very cool in amss (aftermath sec sch, her custom play uniform) and matching hair ribbon (which i successfully avoided pulling off all evening).

took a lift from tong's parents back home after the event, and kinda regretted it, cos i heard two tables of blockus were opened in the youth room till pretty late. but i was stoned anyway, so im not sure how much blockus id get done before concussing in the room. staying over would have been cool, tho. oh yeah ah, why no stayovers this year?

sunday was more crazy.

went out with chris for shoe shopping (and peripheral shopping, as you will see). headed over to queensway (cos the last time we went to orchard, la) and hunted all over the place for "that" shoe. saw some cool stuff, but it seems every company now has a white obsession (as well as the major one with brown-on-white). the brown converse was passable, but heavy; the nike free was very nice and light, but quite pricey (ill get it next month la). asaics was nice too, but again, pricey and paying too much for technology i think i may not use for a while.

got white adidas sneakers with grey stripes, a bit of suede detail. those were nice, but i guess im not used to walking with stiff soles - woke up this morning with stiff feet. hopefully the free and the adidas rotated will help keep the foot limber.

food hunting was fun too. i think we got tea eggs, shared a laksa, and ikea hotdogs for dinner.

went for euclid's granddad's wake service after that. i never know what to do at wake services, and this one was a chinese one, so the only thing i could do really was not fall asleep. i didnt understand a thing.

euclid's family is quite funny, and his sister looks nothing like him. (thats a good thing)>>

3-7-06

buttered cat

if you butter the back of a cat and toss it off a table, which side lands face down (note that cats usually land on their feet and buttered anything usually lands buttered side down when tossed from a table)

murphy vs animal instinct vs gravity. whee.

went to rgs to watch after math on saturday, and after sorting all my thoughts out (and its quite irritating when something plagues me like this, i usually have to blog to exorcise it) about the set, the actress looking like irene ang, and the what not, the one last thing that bugs me is how that little 10-year old is played by a 16 year old, albeit a smallish, expertly made-up girl. yes, it still bugs me.

thing is, the actress is the prim and proper type, from what i heard from tong (or in her words, same type as her classmate, who was really dressed up for the play, in a im-not-trying-too-hard-but-ill-really-look-good kind of way). just brings to mind siying, really, the queen of guitar club. yup, she was quite intimidating, in the a-whole-lot-of-personality-packed-into-a-very-small-frame kind of way. ok, at 17 these kind of things kinda stick in the head. whoa, scary things, random associations are.

the play was good tho, altho the acting surpassed the script by quite a bit. which apparently is the case every year. really there's a bit this script falls short of the hcjc house drama competition scripts - i believe it didnt really tie up all the loose ends (one student emigrates, alex's problem isnt solved, the 2 indian girls still have big problems, only yvonne seems to have "healed") but the acting was good, much better than the hcjc peeps. heh.

sunday was normal until joel reminded me that there was ymmc meeting. 2.5 hours of blockus is not normal.

i have a feeling ive sort of succeeded with the decorating of the room, every time i go there now there's always a group of people hanging out inside. its much better than say, before we got the pillows. or maybe its cos of the blockus set. btw, the blockus set belongs to the room now. ive got to get posters telling people not to steal our pillows or stuff - alison took 3 pillows and a beanbag and left them in another room!

ah well. random thots for a im-not-having-enough-sleep post. if i dont make sense i blame the lack of sleep.>>

29-6-06

ambivalent dreamer

hi. things have happened. the world moves on.

there have been many incidents this past month that would have gotten me running straight to my computer to blog, but times have changed and the inertia involved in powering up my monolithic blogging software was too great to overcome. now that im actually blogging, i cannot for the life of me remember any of those incidents, or even what im doing here.

but this is life, and you probably know this is classic me as well.

had a pretty bad scare 2 days ago, bad enough to call ben to speak to his mom. still dont know what happened, but a sharp pain in the lower right abdomen is usually cause for concern - appendix, gall bladder, kidney, liver, many important organs there. but anyway it turned out fine. i think. i believe it was intestinal cramps or something like that, not even sure that exists (intestines are muscles, right?)

there's a big storm brewing over the ymmc. its a big one and im lashing everything i can to the deck. everything gone out of whack. seriously. weird how everyone can be so on fire at camp and then come back to have little misunderstandings and whatnots get in the way of everything. yet even i am caught up in it, it all makes sense and is nonsense at the same time.

its also been another time someone has told me to my face that i have too many things on my plate. how am i supposed to get rid of half of the stuff im in charge of?

ah bugger. its late. ill try blogging some other time, this post is, yes, probably just to overcome inertia. sorry for wasting your time. :D>>

3-6-06

ice cream frenzy

i finally realised that the lime sherbet from swensons isnt as good as i expected it to be. hrmmm. swensons at holland village is having a $1 all you can eat ice cream buffet with any order of a main course - which notably excludes baked rice and the burgers. but still a deal too good to pass up.

had about 5 scoops, so about 20c each. ok la, not a bad deal, almost like a $1 topless 5. hrmmm, didnt swensons have an offer like that a while back?

was actually at swensons with chris, ben, joel, euclid. a fun bunch, slow and fast mix. ben unnaturally quiet but still super funny, euclid as usual rather slow. chris and joel are, well, chris and joel. nothing i can say here. we talked about all sorts of funny things including serious stuff like the leadership of the youth min and stupid stuff like the bread man who will plague ben to his grave. or ours.

food was alright la. the prices have gone up slightly, some new dishes, but its pretty much plain jane swensons. was supposed to head over to breekos actually, but the icecream seemed to good to pass up. euclid also didnt want breekos. hrmmm, i would have preferred breekos cos ive never eaten a proper meal there before, but i guess there's time aplenty for it.

oh well. had fun. was the better part of the day, the first part being preoccupied with sleeping, breakfast, and watching underworld evolution. (just before i realised i was late for youth). bah. kate bekinsale is very pretty...

quite weird testing the waters today, but it seems calm on the surface. i have no idea what flows within, tho.

give things some time, these things usually take a while.

ok, as you can tell im really sleepy. im off.>>

28-5-06

korean rush

what a day. what a yesterday. it must have been the most fun weekend ive had - in quite a while.

its been a whole weekend of church and being with church people. what a rush - its been crazy to no apparent end. but here the end finally is, as i sit here 8 minutes away from monday and plink out what will probably be my last blog post in a while.

saturday was naturally zany - morning practice (youth), lunch, afternoon prac (second service), youth itself, guitar practice with chris, play for sunset worship (which was absolutely *fun*), dinner with chris at subway (extra chillies and olives).

a small snippet of the worship chris led. we walk on stage, and chris, talking directly to aaron and chloe (two of the 5 people there, and both wearing real crocs) "you know, they are selling imitation crocs at such-and-such a place at only ten dollars?" aaron - "yeah i know, pains my heart" - or something to that effect. super funny, talk about engaging the congregation. one more - im on the phone, on stage, with joel, just before starting. after i hang up, i say "sorry about that, that was joel, he's eating at hua nam leaving us here to lead worship :(". yeah, with starting lines like that, they could probably tell that it was going to be the zaniest worship ever. ha.

it was fun, and we were serious serious when it came to the crunch, and God really came and ministered to me - im not sure about the rest, but ive known God to have a pretty big footprint. chris has such a nice voice!!! we left after leading worship, feeling a bit like traitors for not staying to pray - but i was in church since 9 am, still had not had dinner at 8 pm, i was hungry, tired, possibly grumpy if chris wasnt around, and we just left for dinner. yup. i left with a pretty clear conscience.

sunday was a bit normal. played for service, left june in church, went to town for lunch cos chris had this "korean supermarket" which she absolutely had to get kimchi from. so chris, joel, joanne, euclid and me went to scotts. the bibimbap there... is pretty good. authentic? i cant tell, not having had the "real" stuff, but yup, it was tasty, and i think that's what matters. managed to get kimchi (pretty ok stuff) from isetan as well, so all is good and happy.

euclid and joanne together are a riot. try and catch them that way one day - you'll laugh your socks off. euclid is like - this - slow around us its so funny, and joanne doesnt give him time to breathe haha. its really funny, take my word for it.

and um, i know im kind of stupid for revealing all, but i bet you'd guess anyway. um, yup, lets just leave the situation as it is, yah. i think things are really cool as they are, and i wasnt really expecting anything - oh well, i guess life will go on and ill see how it goes.

oh well. its monday. back to work and a good ol' 5 days of stuff to not do.>>

23-5-06

stoning in the office

wondering if what i said had any impact at all.

hrmmm. at least today will be a short day. its been impossibly draggy. some major here told us to set up everything for a ceremony by 815, when he was going to have a rehearsal. we set up, didnt see him, and we didnt even know where he went until about 1030. by which time i decided that since im going off at 12 for my appointment, i probably wont want to go for the rehearsal and then walk out halfway, so they let me off. so im stoning in the office now.

and thus the existence of this blog entry. ill probably blog more at home, so its half a blog entry.

i just realised how precious my evenings are. there were so many things i wanted to do last night - chat, blog, dota, tv, mythbusters - and yet there was so little time to do it. i eventually only managed to catch "so you think you can dance", one episode of mythbusters, and chatted a bit. i also realised how precious my weekends are, how i jam pack them crazy with loads of stuff and basically crash into monday, burning. and i wonder why im sick. (but it was fun)

perhaps the drive to get that operation and the associated mc is sprouting from the desire to have more time for myself, so that my evenings and weekends are more normal. it was really really cool having that 9 week mc, maybe im (sub)consciously wanting that experience again.

well, ill be going for my mri review today, so we'll see how, i guess. this could result in an operation, but its not really up to me anyway, because i didnt wilfully cause this injury (except from the general insanity at orientation). so yes, im leaving it all up to God. im hoping for the op/mc tho. will be nice staying at home and the general attention all around.

im in a dilemma as to which bass to bring for the next service. june plays and sounds better, but there's something about the ibby. something i cant even put my finger on, but she screams out to me as well, even from inside her bullet-proof casket. selling her will be tough. i actually want to keep both, and de-fret one. that will be my dream, but it will significantly set back my 36" fodera aspirations. and those are really expensive, making both june and the ibby look like toys. i think ill just sell one and continue saving for the fodera dream. im weird, people have car dreams, i have bass dreams.

oh well, i shall just stone now, waiting to leave the office.

ah, im home. the knee... the patella (the kneecap) is laterally displaced, meaning its off to one side and not sitting in the groove it usually sits in. so the rubbing makes it painful. uh, the reason why its not sitting in the groove? i dont have one. no la, not that i dont have one, its that my femur's (thighbone's) groove is unnaturally shallow, so it doesnt look like its capable of holding the patella in place anyway. the ligaments are too long (or muscles too lax) and arent holding the patella in place either. and it probably got knocked off place during orientation anyway.

a fix? 2 months of physio to see if the muscles can be tensed up. if not, surgery, a comfortable 3 and a half months away from my ord date. mmmmm.

anyway, im off to show the ibby some love.>>

22-5-06

shadowlight

will reveal all. sadly, you dont have shadowlight, i do. haha.

anyway i was going to blog yesterday but i do believe i took a nap or something and then ended up sleeping most of the evening away. i slept late but i cannot remember what i was doing.

sunday was fun, worship was... "God flowing down" kind of experience. very power, just watching the youths worship and my fingers doing what i am not expecting them to do. and it was nice, even tho april thot chiyon's suggestion to "give God a clap offering" was crazy.

ah ha. she's still april after all. and she's very pretty...

anyway. the ibby plays like melted cheese and butter.

oh, right, havent told you about that story. the bass i ordered in december, and cancelled in january to buy my zon, actually arrived a week or so back. so now i have 2 6-string basses, which is patently ridiculous because both are fretted basses (yes, its perfectly normal to own a fretted 6 and a fretless 6). and also because i havent paid for the ibby. they shipped it for free. im now in discussions to buy it from them at a discount (it was their mistake anyway) and sell it here, possibly to daniel, but they've stopped replying my emails, and im giving them one week before i charge them the price of the bass as my correspondence fees.

anyway, it is a nice bass, and it makes me scrutinise, and love, my zon more. im still happy with the june. today i took her out for a run (after neglecting her for 5 days) and she still sounded amazing. contrary to what i said earlier, yes, june still does hold her own against the ibby.

sunday was also fun because went shopping with another pretty, crazy, girl - after euclid left, anyway. not that it was fun after euclid left, but that we went shopping after euclid left... ah never mind. you get the point. it was fun. and no there really isnt anything about the post below. its cryptic, yes, but nothing i cant decipher, so im sure you'll do fine as well.

oh, and im not depressed anymore, if you cannot tell. i think its the euphoria of having received a bass i havent paid for, and a nice bass at that. the feeling is sort of having to decide between 2 cars without a test drive, then after you pick one, they send you the other as well just let you see if youve made the right choice. something like that. yup, so im quite blah now. not happy, not depressed, suffering from church withdrawal symptoms already.>>

17-5-06

depression vortex

im being sucked in. dont know why. i swear it has something to do with this relational void im recognising as growing. this void i cannot fill, not yet, anyway. i never manage to fill it for long. i better get the song done, before this depression sucks away the old feelings. dont think it will, tho. according to someone i "have letting go issues".

perhaps its my subconscious that has letting go issues. a fear of change. i mean, you-know-who has been popping up in my dreams since sec 2, and its not like im consciously trying to feel depressed now or what not. yes, conscious depression wouldnt make sense at all.

perhaps its just work, what with the 645 am reporting times for the past 2 days. also the fact that there's nothing to do in camp now that cynthia isnt around for half a week. i only needed to report early cos there are ns men coming in. there's *absolutely* nothing to do. perhaps some spider solitaire, chatting with some people online and off.

solitaire. hrmmm, what irony. the game of one. im getting pretty good at it. sic.

will going to the u cure this? will ording cure this? perhaps. perhaps not. chocolate does have some effect, tho. have recently acquired a stash of the dark variety as some sort of magic pill. but of course, its all sugar loaded, so i may be adding a whole new range of problems to my existing one, the first of which to turn up will be hyperglycemia...

add to the general maelstrom the fact that im very, very broke and there you have it. recipe for disaster. serve chilled, serves one.

ai yah, im not really in the mood to wax lyrical over my predicament. will someone please put me out of my misery. and no, im not taking a hitman's contract out on myself. it just takes 2 to get out of the rut. im one. right.

anyway, for my zon, im looking to acquire a stabilised ebony pickguard, nordstrand humbucking-j pickups, stabilised swamp ash covers for the nords, ebony and swamp ash stacked knobs to replace my plastic ones, as well has ebony knobs for the tuners. got any lobang, or if you happen (just happen, right) to deal with exotic woods please contact me. >>

15-5-06

purple kaleidoscope

had a blast of a weekend. friday and saturday spent at nsrcc with the youth staff, and we managed to put in place a whole lot of new stuff that i hope will get the youth moving rah-rah. and had a lot of fun with chris, joel, and playing bridge with euclid as well - he's super blur bridge-wise. set up a raging fire for a bbq that made the cooks have to have a bowl of water to cool their hands in. and the food was good.

went to joel's house to stay on saturday night, cos i didnt want to go home, and it was late. which is where i had my ***ewd***.

***extremely weird dream*** [warning - extremely improbable events contained herein. read at your own risk]

i awaken to a landscape is barren rock. robotic humanoids the size of small buildings tearing up the landscape, laying waste to the land. people running in terror, their own robotic allies falling to superior might and numbers. i turn to run, but feel the iron grip of someone on my arm, swinging me around. the grip doesnt feel human. i come face-to-face with a hooded, cloaked, and masked figure, and i have the impression that he isnt really there - im hallucinating. he slowly takes off his masks layer by layer, the background of destruction collapsing into a kaleidoscope of fit-inducing technicolour. flashing lights, a whole lot of purple. im being hypnotized.

in a second, i see the world i am dreaming of. a futuristic world, so far ahead i see a spaceship the size and shape of a cruise ship suspended in low orbit over singapore. (i swear its those stupid poseidon adverts) i see war machines technically possible today, but in a scale and a number that puts honda's asimo to shame. i see the campaign to wipe us all off the face of the earth. us, being earthmen, or singaporeans, im not sure. then i pass out.

as i come to, im in sort of an operating theatre cum small little cell. a few people are asking me questions, but im on like, the operating table. something tells me im a bit important, something like a scientist of sorts. dont ask me how i know this. anyway, basically after they ask a lot of meaningless questions and threatening me with death if i even step out of line a whisker, they leave and the cell is filled with my cellmates.

cheryl's one of the cellmates. after coming to, ive see no one i know until now, so im pretty relieved. not that she's in it with me, of course, but assuming singapore(/the world) has been destroyed i guess its a good thing she's around. should have been a glaringly obvious clue it was a dream, but then again, powers to my subconscious over my conscious.

the cell is underground, because later when im led around there's a lift that goes to level 1, level b1, and level b2. no upper levels in the thing. yup. the first level is some sort of lobby which is heavily guarded, so obviously its the exit. im led all over the place, sort of like a tour. i hear the name of the psychic who brained me. its unpronounceable. im given a new name. its also unpronounceable. im given the impression the invaders werent earth people. they look human enough, tho. eventually, much later, im led outside.

even the outside is basically one huge caged-in area. a lot of space, but a lot of cage. this is the auswitchz i was talking about. i dont remember if cheryl was with me, but i think so. it was on stepping out that i decided "we need to get out of here". it doesnt make sense on hindsight, the "concentration camp" being roughly the size of texas and the manpower available to just this one camp being staggering. there wasnt much to "return home to" anyway. i wouldnt have been able to get very far even if i got out. but then again, this wasnt the least sensible thing in the dream.

i meet tengkok, he's a judicator. ive checked the dictionary and it basically said "one who acts as a judge". which is about right, because this term in my dream means captives who are given powers over other captives to act as police and judges. "one who acts as a judge". my dreams are more accurate than a surface examination would make it seem. i didnt even know it was a real word, i thought it had come from the starcraft universe.

 i remember the conversation we had - "we got to get out of here - everyone's starving!... by the way, what are you doing as a judicator?" the reply was "it puts the pocket in the black" - a reference i took to mean as, it puts money in the pocket. (you know, corporations in the black/red means profit/loss) which i had no problem with, cos everyone's in the cage anyway. "how long have you been a judicator?" was replied with "2 days." which gave me an idea of how long i was out (it was my first day in the camp), and how complete the destruction was.

later he and another judicator (a tj guy i dont even know the name of) helped me get a team of conspirators together. planned to escape. me, a black guy ive never met, dream life or real, and some 8 to 10 other people.

on one of my explorations of the camp, i enter a padi field. in a building. i know, its really weird. i was with 5 kids - barely 12 years old, all guys. hopping to the other side of the very large room (doing this while the boys eat the grain off the stalks) i see a small table with 2 books, one "history of singapore according to raffles" or something like that, a pocket sized book brown at the edges. the other was more of a binder file which was basically a journal. it was decorated like how secondary school girls do their english lit files.

all of a sudden, the owner (a tj girl i dont even know the name of) busted in and screamed her head off. the place was something like a private stash of food along with the memories she wanted to keep with her, we basically walked into the most private area of her life. she executed 4 of the boys with a katana after she was done screaming. the fifth boy then grabbed her sword and killed himself. that was the despondency of the whole situation. i think i referred to her as "chief judicator". i cannot recall how i got out of that situation.

anyway, by this point in time i was creating too much trouble within the cage that i knew i was being marked. soon, someone calls me into a building, along with my 10 conspirators. i remember walking past tengkok on my way in, thinking "oh my, this is it". i remember i was second from the back, the black guy behind me. walking in one straight line through a corridor in this building, someone comes out of a side door and hands me a gun. it doesnt look like a gun at all, more like a paintball gun.

i instinctively reach out for it, and as i place my hand on it, he whips a (real) gun out with his other hand and shoots me in the stomach. ouch. no, dream injuries dont hurt, unless they have real counterparts (ive dreamed of ankle injuries that really hurt). obviously he wanted to give the impression that i shot all my friends cos he starts heading for the next guy. the people in front of me had just entered a stairwell and he didnt have a clear shot, so he was running in, but i managed to shoot him. squirt would be a better word, cos my gun was operating like a supersoaker filled with ink. a very messy instrument.

the black guy escapes the way he came, and i shoot my way out, and the place looks like picasso designed the wallpaper, ceiling, and floor by the time i was done. i squeeze into an airduct and crawl out of the building, and out of the camp. apparently security was low in a place no one was expected to live long in.

anyway, when im outside, i hear that the black guy had released a bunch of people from the camp. wow. i head to the "front gate", where a lot of people are congregated. again, doesnt make sense, because you dont bust out of the front gate if you wanna get out of any situation. you definitely do now want to hang around. at least i see a lot of people getting as far as they can from the camp.

i meet chris, she's hugging her brother, and evidently they were in the camp as well. i place my hands on her shoulders from behind, the way i sometimes do. then someone grabs me from behind. ah - security from the camp. i run.

i come to one of the weirdest sights in my dream. its a huge place, the size of a train station. there are huge queues of people. people queuing up... to buy soft drinks from can dispensers. remembered this with absolute clarity. man, i really need to cut back on the sugar. but anyway, a lot of people is a good thing, so i plunge in and try and look normal, the bloodstain notwithstanding. the guy loses me.

then i wake up.

one of the weirdest, most detailed dreams ive ever had. welcome to my subconscious.>>

30-4-06

the dark heart of the rose

felt like a terrorist today, with all that lime juice packed up in my bag. heh. 35 limes, 32 tablespoons of sugar and 4.5 lits of water. quite sweet, but varied between the 3 bottles. it was cold. and had a good time before meeting just now, during lunch and just bumming and chilling. really missed the church bunch, and to a bigger extent the ymmc. dunno. got struck by a headache that pretty much put me out of action during the meeting, tho. i could feel my veins throb with my fingers.

2 paracetamol set that straight, at least until i got home. went out (to harbourfront!) for dinner. apparently painkillers can make you high. or maybe its the happy opium juice i washed the pills down with. high enough to ignore the fact that i was having the biggest headache in recent history, as far back as my memory (which really isnt that far) can tell, and still go to harbourfront (the opposite direction from home) for dinner because of a simple craving for subway.

mmm. extra chilies and olives.

ah bugger. just found this on wikipedia - "Like non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs and unlike opioid analgesics, paracetamol has not been found to cause euphoria or alter mood in any way". it must have been the lime juice then.

whole weekend was pretty much burned. and im on duty tomorrow (labour day) so i dont even have the long weekend to cover for a hectic week. friday ran off from camp (as you can see by a very incomplete blog entry saved by my gmail) to go to school to watch aurora ten, which is pretty good by any standard, and at least passable by my standard. thoughts which resurfaced again and again were "why do the solos sound so crap", "hrmmm, that sounds ok", "haven't i heard/performed this before?", and of course "the bass' A string is out of tune" and "what the hell is the bassist doing with a capo?"

the more music you know, the more it takes to impress you. the same how my mom isnt easily impressed with cooking.

really cool to meet dav so early in school (she was the first junior/batchmate i ran into). she's really pretty, you know?

after that headed over to east coast for coffee club dinner. which was really shiok. i really need that recipe or something. mmm. eating with val and ps has advantages - there's always leftovers to clear up. everything we ordered was good. and then went to ps's house to crash (she refused to send me home). after reaching her place we both felt inexplicably extremely tired. i didnt go online, and ps didnt really maple, so we both retired to our rooms (me to her brother's room) pretty soon and pretty much got our 8 hours of sleep or slightly less.

she chased me out of her house at 8 am on saturday.

disillusioned, and slightly dazed, i headed home to get my passport then to ica to get the new one. it was super packed, and i spent about one and a half hours there. then to church for staff meeting, where pastor adrian dropped the bomb. and then for youth. and then headed home with tong. after i reached home from tong's place, i realised i was short of limes. very, very short. read - i didnt buy any. so i headed out again to get some. basically, i ran all over the place on saturday.

at least sunday was kinda normal, bar the 3+ hour ymmc meeting.>>

28-4-06

imcomplete

bah its 430 and im rushing rushing to get out of here on time bleah. gotta lock up that>>

25-4-06

knife edge

ive went from diarrhoea (the runs) to the complete opposite (the stop, i think)

have air inside but i think its refusing to come out. AND i dint even take any of that diphenoxylate crap. i knew something wrong would happen. bleah.

and today was such a drag! camp is boring. especially when the internet goes down again. and its only tuesday, bah.

ive powered up my computer for another overnight run, this time with additional things to do... just dumped in the parameters for chris' render job, so hopefully will have the results tomorrow. from what it looks like its hyperrealistic, which is to say, it looks more realistic than something can possibly be, which means it doesnt look realistic. ah ha, a paradox. no, its like, crystal clear water. thats hyperrealistic. doesnt stop it from being beautiful.

im starting to be a da fan. thats deviantart for you guys... hit them at deviantart ctrl-enter. they are way pro. i wish i could do that. i suck at photoshop.

oh well, why am i blogging at 0036? because i dont wanna lose the momentum man. so if youre forced to read thru a whole bunch of whining and all this is wasting your time... then yeah, at least there's something to read. haha.

suddenly had an inspiration today. with my love of chemistry, physics, hands on art, and programming, i could really love to work as a special effects artist ( the kind who installs explosives into the sides of mountains so wu-xia series can do cooler battle scenes)... and i heard that lucasarts has or will have a studio in singapore doing effects? how cool is that?

quite cool. ok, im really off to bed.>>

24-4-06

charcoal tongues

my tongue is black. everything to do with how im downing activated charcoal to "get rid of the poisons" (in the words of the doctor). yes im on mc today. yesterday was horrible. maybe because of the absence of dinner, the night was bearable, nothing wanted to come out, but i really just wanted the free mc today. and come on, i could have prescribed myself the activated charcoal. isnt there something more magic than toasted bread?

"diphenoxylate", apparently. the med students (and im starting to realise i know quite a few of them) will probably be able to tell you more than i can. wonder why so many guys went ahead and did medicine? they werent the science/bio chaps as far as i know... oh well. whatever works and makes the world turn.

bah. i spent all my time at home really wasting it away. no one was online to help me quench my boredom.

extremely, extremely, off topic - "am i too young?"

fresh in yahoo news: "iran president: israel is a fake regime". my goodness, as opposed to what, a real regime? the world is going to implode, and we, our generation, have the front seats and the tickets to the premiere. some of us will even be the cast, and no matter how far we are from ground zero (nuclear terms) or the epicenter (geological event terms) we're going to feel the fallout and the aftershocks for years to come. im not going to say generations, cos im not sure there will be many generations after this one.

its the end, folks. time to hunker down into whatever foxhole the government has dug for you.

us? we'll be waiting for the King. or waiting with the King, whichever works for Him.>>

23-4-06

opium trader

val "and you expect an moe interview with that nic?"

actually, im not sure they'll even see it. and moe is worrying. they havent replied me.

lime juice is our opium.

actually that means im not a trader, im a moonshiner. i think. moonshine is the name of bootleg alcohol, made in farm stills, in the era when america declared alcohol illegal.

a bit woozy. had diarrhoea the whole day (and actually here and there for the past few days), headaches, and a running nose. dont know if ill be on mc tomorrow. feel like crap. i feel like crap and i feel like crapping. this has nothing to do with the lime juice, if you were wondering.

i hate taking naps. its not that i wake up with a headache, but everything before the nap feels super distant. i cannot remember half of today, and whatever i remember of it feels like it happened a week ago, and looks like i went thru it drunk or with the wrong glasses on.

on a side note, i just had my computer hijacked by a retarded audio cd. its "copy protected", which means it installs a player which is the only player that can play it. and obviously this player cannot rip files, so yeah. thats called copy protection. problem is, it never *told* me it was installing this. "this cd requires some additional components to be installed before you can play it, would you like to install them now?" was the question it posed as i put it in. at first i thought it was a smartly packaged trojan. (actually, by the definition of trojan, yes, it is a smartly packaged trojan) if it even put up a fight while uninstalling, i'd be the first to sue.

i went to check online and apparently copy protection has gone crazy, with some not being able to play on computers at all, some not working in car audios, and what not. some are being tested to, when copied, destroy/damage speakers. simply ridiculous, considering a short audio cable from my audio card "out" into my audio card "in" would probably give me a very respectable recording in audacity. they dont realise that anything you can hear, you can rip. its just introduces extra steps. i wont buy cds just to get jacked, and the record companies are just biting the hands that pay the bills (or that provide the exorbitant profit). do they really think there is no way around copy protection? the only people who suffer are those who truly believe that cds should not be ripped/copied, they are the ones who wonder why the cds will not play.

may i add that copy protected cds are a pain to transfer to mp3 players? hence making the ipod less useful... im also not going to change cds in and out of my computer, thats what my 300gb hard drive is supposed to do.>>

22-4-06

uneasy schematography

just had a fantastic day today, but fell asleep in the bus, so ive forgotten a bit of it.

"everyday, i wake up a completely new person!" - quoting what i said to chris about my horrendous memory not being able to last for 8 hours. i think. its a bit foggy about this one.

anyway, i remember splintering off from the dinner group with chris to buy our subway breakfast (or in her case, supper, because from what i hear she's half thru) and stoning at subway for like half an hour with the barley drink and really cracking each other up. i remember taking the bus home together, at least all the way to kent ridge.

further back, i remember having dinner with ben and gang. ben is hilarious. he sounds like he's gone to some adventure camp rather than gone to army. his stories are damn funny, or maybe its just the way he tells them. cracked us all up.

i remember stoning in pastor's cubicle with chris and joel. and the meeting with pastor. i really need to arrow someone to take over the youth room. its all nice and dandy, i would love to have it, but i really have too many things to watch over and do.

i remember attending youth. and having lunch in church. and measuring out the said youth room. and drawing accurate floor plans with dimensions i mostly determined by comparing body part lengths.

further back, i remember sitting in a bus to church with this very very pretty girl. she caught my eye when she was outside of the bus and boarding it, i made space for an old lady, but she moved on, and this girl came and sat down... she couldnt have been older than 23. (i was facing her in the facing seats) her image pretty much seared itself into my memory - i cant remember much about her face, cos im super lousy at faces (ask my primary school friends who i bump into time to time) but id say the facial shape was about the same as derrick's (the tj drummer) girlfriend... i think. she was chinese, tanned (not overly), toned (not overly), had shoulder length layered hair. a normal voice, not the super high pitched ones that sting, or the low ones ive come to associate with the sporty types (no offense intended), which she obviously was one of.

white running singlet with red and blue side-stripes, black sprinter's pants (the army people call it the "skirt") with 3 red stripes, ankle length socks and a well-used pair of white-and-blue converse shoes... the basketball kind. dark blue bag with the red nike "tick". gold necklace with a gold ring in it, silver ring on the middle finger on her left hand. white stringy hairband on the wrist. reading a well beaten up book by adam c, white with blue lettering, i missed the title and the author's surname.

i think im really really weird.

on a extremely different note, im going to say here that i think that pap might win over the 2 opposition wards, and steve chia might have a problem with choa chu kang because they really went and spruced up the place here. and i think they changed the MP also, the old one, from what i saw on parliment tv, wasnt a very good speaker and i never saw him campaign at all in choa chu kang.

they did drive around a truck blaring pap messages in multilingual, multidialect cacophony. i was trying to sleep then, at last election, i remember this quite clearly. why do they assume everyone's up by 11?

i know ill vote opposition until proven wrong by pap when i get to vote (be 21 in 10 months!) not that i dont like pap or something, i think its done a great job overall, but i still believe they've forgotten some people, and choa chu kang has been forgotten enough. we're so rarely remembered, while marina bay/city/orchard/harbourfront flows with money, government and otherwise.

then again, the opposition hasnt really been the most appealing so far, what with the lawsuits they almost invite, and the scandals, and the bankruptcies. really weird stuff. not sure how it all works out, but i think a more credible opposition is needed to make pap, and the public, actually, you know, pay attention to them.>>

18-4-06

consistent inconsistency

ive gone out of my way to program little inconsistencies into my "would you run away" drummers beat patterns. sometimes he hits harder, sometimes softer, and not always in the same place (different pitch). problem is, his inconsistencies crop up in the song at very regular intervals (once every 2 bars). bleah. i hope its enough to make him sound more human, without making him sound like a lousy drummer.

anyway, thats all im going today. the song is 4:53 long. because of repeated chorus, actually having a prechorus and a bridge, and all that nitty gritty. will record bass next, but thats a project for another day. >>

17-4-06

devil's advocate

i shall play advocate. some people think i am the devil's, some people think that i am God's. ill let you all decide. no names have been mentioned here, and any that slip through subconsciously have been digitally altered so as not to let anyone not in the confidence to pick out names. as always, this is from my point of view and so i may be wrong about the whole situation altogether. however, with my lack of facts, i think my conclusion was justified... we shall see.

someone told me, before his/her scholarship application results came out, that if God didnt want him/her to go overseas to a uni (where he/she has a place), he/she wouldnt get a scholarship and he/she would stay in singapore and help out at his/her church. 2 weeks later the results come out and the scholarship has rejected him/her, and another company has offered him/her a local scholarship. what he's/she's planning on doing now is using his/her parent's money to go, and hoping for grants for his/her second year onward.

this is from what i remember, i think i might find more info when i get home and check the chat archives. its quite extensive and really an extension of my dismal memory.

anyway, my argument was, "doesn't this sound like circumventing God's will? it seems pretty clear that he doesn't want you to go, seeing the pressing lack of scholarships."

and the counter argument was "i havent heard the voice of heaven saying that i shouldn't go. and, its the easy way out to stay in singapore. shouldn't i strive for the best i can be and glorify God? and the ministry i was planning on staying and helping has improved so much, and they really want me to go."

and my reply was something like "the lack of scholarship seems like a pretty clear voice to me. God didnt need to part the heavens to speak all the time. doesnt obeying God and giving up your aspirations seem like a better means of glorifying God?"

which came to my "that umbrella of yours has one sharp tip" comment (which was made by a confidant close to my heart, and i agree with her that i may have gone overboard on this one). my comment was : "God, if you dont want me to go, make it rain, but i have an umbrella, ha."

which i then thought was too pointy for a discussion close to that person's heart, considering he/she had probably thought about it and seen more angles than i had. but it was really the only way i knew how to stab across what i saw was wrong reasoning, by placing the same situation in a different light.

im sorry for what i did, but i hope you think about it again.>>

16-4-06

argument

some people think that the strength of the logic of their argument is proportional to the volume at which it is brought across. or perhaps that perpetual repetition actually gets across a point. im talking about someone in particular, yes. oh well. certain people spent their whole life in the armed forces, so i guess it might come to be that way.

im stuck in camp tomorrow, on my first hqsa duty. bleah, i heard its a lot shittier than 24sa, or even aag duty. ill try not to screw up and end up with like 45543315421 extras, and having to really pull my operation rabbit of of my hat to siam it. which by the way, due to the specialist not being free, has been postponed by a month! at least the next review for the mri will be. i think im going to call in and ask for another guy. my knee really hurts!

"im telling, but no one's a believing" - my next song title, possibly. maybe about evangelism?

"i dunno, i was just thinking of you when i wrote it, that's all." - would you run away? *and* i just realised i composed it in 3/4, and have been trying to play it to a 4/4 track for the past week. no wonder it sounded wrong all the time.>>

14-4-06

lyrical shematical

been writing songs lately, using the excuse to brush up on my audacity and my cubase skills. its really not easy creating a soundscape that is convincingly live when all you have is a bass, midi drums and a multitrack sequencer. but i crash on. hopefully this practice will allow me to turn out a good cd in december/january.

anyway, wrote 3 new songs so far while i was at it. recorded the first 2, the first one being a proof-of-concept test... it worked fine, but the sound is extremely raw and i refuse to work on it anymore. the second one actually has vocals to it but i was so unsure of my own vocal quality that when i finally decided that so many effects were enough... i sounded a bit like the male enya. which really helps me sound good, cos there's like 15 of my voices in the track.

anyway, i *just* got cubase and i was swearing to record my third song once i got it, but cubase is impossibly complex - such that i think i might go ahead and use audacity anyway, then use cubase to sequence... anyway here's the lyrics for the third song. unlike the second song, it isnt christian, and its got a bit of the angsty teenage crap you hear on the radio nowadays. dont even know why it turned out like this, but was just writing down random stuff while stoning in camp.

dont even bother to ask me who inspired this... cos im not telling.

Would You Run Away
Stupid Things You Can Do With A Bass And A Computer

Everyday
You pass me by
But I don’t dare to look in your eyes
I don’t know why—

All the time
You run about in my mind
And I don’t know what to say
When we meet

Cos something in me
Wants this to go on and on
But im wondering
If that voice is wrong

Would you run away
If I looked into your eyes
And I told you how I feel
Would you run away
Would you think I am weird
If I came and told you
That I dream of you
All the time
Would you run away?

And when im there
Beside you or something like that
I just wanna reach out my hand
And touch your hair

Now and then
I just wanna hold your hand
But something holds me back
And I walk away

Cos something in me
Wants this to go on and on
But im wondering
If that voice is wrong

Would you think I am weird
If I touched your hair
Every time I was there
By your side
Would you run away
If I held your hand
And told you how I feel
Would you run away

Would you run away
Would you run away
Would you run away
Would you run away

yup. and there it is. the third of my projects, and ill record it soon.>>

3-4-06

sulphur

i dont know. there's been a lot of talk about heaven lately. im sure sure it isnt a shitty place, or a place with anything - anything at all - to gripe about. but it certainly leaves many questions that cannot be answered on earth. questions like, if i loved someone, and she went to hell, would i be truly happy in heaven? if i did not remember, then i am just a robot in heaven. if i do not see, then i am blind. are these the questions i should be asking myself?

and yet we ignore the very friends around us who so desperately need to hear the word of God. for family events. traditions. because we are too shy to ask them. because the church is "not their kind of place". because we dont want to play host, because we'd rather be left alone to enjoy whatever program is on. because we never bother to pray for them before asking.

prayer really paves the way, and i dont do it enough. its not a mental/spiritual exercise, as vincent said. its incense to the Lord. He works through our prayers.

i wonder if Jesus actually stepped right down now, and i was there watching my friends get judged, i would be able to give a suitable account later as to why they did not hear the gospel from me. i dont think so. i have taken my time, my weekends, my money, and all that for granted, that i easily give my friends up to spend time with church people.

"aaron, these people were your sheep. i placed you with them to lead them into my kingdom. i have given you so many talents/dinar, where have you invested it? jamming with the church band? talking pure nonsense? wasting your time away?"

playing computer games. chatting. sleeping. lazing around. going out with people "like me".

i can just hear the accuser's voice in my head. and i can feel myself escaping like a man escaping through the flames, by the skin of my teeth.

another thing. hypocrisy. i hate hypocrites. dont we all.

i saw someone give up the great commission for a tradition (and one of the bigger ten commandments, may i add, so it doesnt look so bad). my logic failed here.

i saw a fully tudung-ed malay girl and a guy groping in the mrt. my logic failed again, at that very instant.

i am a hypocrite too. and i hate myself.

is worshipping God the only thing to do in heaven?

on a side note, mri's on the 12th april.>>

20-3-06

oddball musician

nrgh. my skull feels like its stuffed full of sock. this horrible feeling which is impossible to get rid of. i am not sure if im the only one who feels like this once in a while. bahhh. irritating. it'll probably bug me for the next 5 to 10 years?

i blame everyone. no, actually, i dont. i blame a few people. no, not that either. i blame the interaction between me and said few people. no, said one person. no, said few people.

anyway. (how should i blog about this that i can remember this 10 years down the road when reading this yet not reveal too much to get me instantly crucified?) its all gone wrong. plain crazy. doozy. kookee.

funny how things can change so much in one day, huh. no its not changed, this is just a passing feeling.

on a completely different topic, i want to oh are dee as soon as possible man. just 3 days of leave, and i come back, and smell the camp air, and see the lcd lighting, and i nearly went crazy. oh well. 7 and a half more months. the time is ticking.

oh, and have i blogged about my knee before? its giving problems again. weather. dunno if i should gun for another op. which will be crazy la, considering how bad the ankle one was already. but its nice having people shower concern on you too...

not to mention the inevitable multiple month mc, that is. but it really hurts la, ok? see my 7-1-04 post - i quote myself "a bruise is finally visible on my left knee, and it really really hurts when i touch it..." that was a while back, granted, but ligaments/tendons never heal. they just get worse, as the swelling pushes other body parts into places they were never meant to be.

i think that was what really set it off. orientation really dulls pain and makes people do crazy things for bits of pebbles painted gold and heart-shaped aquarium rocks. and also just for the heck of it, like tackling val. gahhh, the crazy memories.

that *was* fun.

h btw, a point to note for all future camp planners, dont bother with water bomb games anymore, those are passe. the new fad is flour. get enough bags to playdoh(tm) the entire group, (with excuses like competitions and games, or sculpturing and art) and they'll willingly walk into a stream of water like nothing before. have you seen girls ever willingly douse themselves? ok, they didnt really douse themselves, they just stood too close to me when i was holding a hose. at the end of the "not so wet but very messy" games we were all a soaking mess. *and* we didnt need to carry a whole bunch of water bombs anywhere.

*evil memories of cluedo surface* ok, that was fun too, just not really thought out properly. *cough*

i am seriously having camp withdrawal symptoms.

perhaps a new bass will solve it? haha. anyway, i just restringed my 12-stringer. anyone want to borrow this monstrosity of a thing before i mercilessly butcher it by sending it to a pro to get it fitted with electronics? 12-string acoustic guitars sound like a wall of sound. but i still cant bar one. maybe that has something to do with the string tension, which is upward of a hundred kilos. or the action, which i should do something about. it has an adjustable bridge, so i hope i can lower that. will try now that ive burned about 30 bucks buying guitar equipment, and 40 on strings.

12-string sets are ridiculously expensive! well, not as expensive as bass strings, definitely not 6-string sets, but bass strings dont have a tiny g which is like, thinner than the e on an eleguit.

im home.

my 12-stringer is now an 11-stringer. i am quite pissed, and have half a mind to saw off the top 6 tuner pegs and string it like a 6er. its quite annoying when strings break a day into service.

oh well, i found on the internet that 12vers are rarely tuned to concert pitch, but more usually down 2 semitones and capoed up. shucks, should have read. but the package calls them e-strings! zzz. *and* i cant lower the action either.

and i forgot to bring my cables home (both!) so i cant practice bass. how sianning is that?>>

19-3-06

down under in a nutshell

perth was hot / alberney was hotter / mandurah was cold / no cute guys

val comes back from down under and this is all she has to say. im praying she never writes tourism brochures.

oh well, this is the obligatory after-camp post, where you get to see camp life from the view of a music logis person, who also happens to be the slightly neurotic big brother of a very neurotic girl. yep, tong, thats you. *waves*

oh man i love my little sister. helped so much during the camp. (background: tong is a neat person. very neat) was purposely leaving cables around uncoiled so she would help coil them (she couldnt stand the sight of it :D) which reduced my work significantly. against all popular belief, music logis isnt about lugging a hundred kilos of stuff to a venue, or setting it up, or even getting that hundred kilos back to church. yup, youre right, its about coiling cables. tons of it. so tong was a great help :D cheers to tong.

yup. it was fun. in the words of the chief of army, in a speech referencing how he would like the "ns experience" to be, shiong but shiok. and the shiong bit is only because of the coiling of cables, so its basically only shiok for almost everyone else. and it was fun. fun bummin' with chris (and doing qt together) fun jammin' with joel and chris and mx and josh, where one look can set off a diamond or other, fun listening to the pastor speak. fun sneaking out in the middle of the night for teh-ping. and all that.

but most importantly fun seeing the youths really worship in that setting. its a sight that can bring tears to one's eyes. God working so powerfully. yes, it is a sight to behold.

lets hope it lasts.

i dont wanna go back to camp tomorrow... :(

the lastest terry pratchett book i know, "thud!", is in the rgs library. its so new the ink is nearly still wet. no fair. some librarian must be a tp fan. oh well, at least tjc had a decent asimov collection.

um, what else is there. im not sure. oh yeah. im going to state here that we are cutting an album. there. ive said it.>>

13-3-06

will you stop ignoring me you idiot boy

i like that so much im going to use that as my title. and then im going to give some background information. ive ignored val on and off since we knew each other, its a very effective form of communication. sometimes more can be said with silence than ever with words. yup. so *why* have i been ignoring val this time? because she's been ignoring me. yup.

ill show you why. when someone calls me and then talks to her dog, i take that as ignoring me. especially while im talking mid-sentence. im not a petty guy, so its not a peeve that im trying to get back at her with, its just that it happens about once in every two calls... considering that she calls from outside as well, im going to say that there's a good chance that when she calls from home i can expect to get ignored in favour of a dog. yup, a dog. im not sure if anyone thinks im overreacting, cos i sure think im acting quite rationally.

considering she hasnt gotten this after i lost my keypad throwing my phone at a tree twice because i threatened to if she talked to her dog again on that particular call, i think its fair to ignore her. im not a talk-to-my-dog person, so ill just did it the traditional way.

ignoring someone is also a great way to end any argument. no dialogue, no argument!

anyway, that was the obligatory response. i dont read blogs, so youre going to enjoy val trying to defend herself in that 100-char limited mini-window. or im going to, anyway, the rest of you can go and read her blog. i think she's moved again. and then she claims no one reads her blogs. um, i think its at http://unterderrose.blogspot.com. yup. now that i look at it, her blog looks eerily like the psc application homepage.

after the obligatory response and blog-pimpin', im back on topic.

spent last night at ignite conference worship at cornerstone church. interesting place, middle of nowhere, and im starting to feel im too old for this. i never did like this kind of services, but it was ok for its kind. i guess im just not used to prophetic prayer ("dear God, you *are going to do this..."), publicly speaking in tongues, and keys i cannot sing in.

the bassist was playing a nordstrand. thats an expensive bass, at the thereabouts of my zon, perhaps slightly higher, cos his had all the trimmings - super wood top, wood knobs, wood pickup covers... i was impressed by the bass, but at least ive come a certain way - i wasnt overawed by the bass player. he's good, but at least i can imagine myself playing what he was playing. compared to like, last/last-last year, with that hillsongs bassist.

mmhmm. found him at guitar4christ forum too. he's the dealer for nordstrand basses/pickups in singapore... i think. seems like the bass community is so small here, i told him what i played (zon sonus 6) and he was like, "oh, you bought it from melvin ah?". (i did). oh well, any one who wants to learn bass and add to the community can come and find me. ill do it (for free) if youre from my church.

no time to do otherwise, dont offer money. and val, you could try, but usually i like to play instruments shorter than myself. would you care to try a flute? :D

sorry for the unabashed val bashing. havent done it in a while.

hrmmm. what i remember between now and posting about a month ago most distinctly is going back to church for practice from the class breakfast at the prata place. mx was walking next to me, and uncharacteristically she started the conversation (i dunno, i just dont think we talk much together). she said "you know, youve changed a lot." i was actually quite stunned. of course, i dont think i really showed it. but yeah.

"how so?"

"last time you used to talk more intellectual, now you talk a lot of rubbish" ok. that wasnt the response i was expecting to get. i swear its because i havent been talking to tengkok anymore and instead been talking to joel/chris (*cough* both read this blog *cough* *cough*). but oh well. people change. and my personality's like jello, discussed this before. will become like that of the people around me.

"is that better or worse?" here's where my memory cuts out ok, there's this huge blank. and i wonder why.

anyway, mx is so scary. she's like, ah, never mind. she sure is pretty, tho. and this is an objective statement. my attention is being grabbed by the smoking hole in my foot.

(in an attempt to change topic)

someone on talkbass said, "hey, building guitars are time consuming and the payback is quite little, in my free time, im going to build bows (archery) which are easier and sell for more, since ive got all the woodworking tools". his next post "ok, i just drew my first bow to full tension and it blew up. it isnt as easy as it looks". kookee talkbassers.

i should be getting around to faxing my psc application's supporting documents. ill be right back.

wow ok, the line's bloody engaged. as in, really engaged. nrgh, im not even sure if my thing got through. i nearly feel more confident picking up the phone, dialing the fax number, and beep-booping my data over by voice. ok fingers crossed.>>

13-2-06

zon review

ok here's a write-up about my new bass i put on talkbass, a forum of bassists/bass-builders thats wayyy cool. they helped a lot with the decision making, and even letting me know what a zon was early on, so i let them have the review. its more technical than anything i would have written for a non-bassist (where i would probably have said, it plays like melted cheese and buttah), but this is for a bass forum and you must understand. this is roughly a "mid-level" bass among the basses they own/build.

"yay. ive earned myself a zon sonus 6. its my 2nd bass, im going to sell off my cort curbow to a friend or something. its VERY nice. :D

"if im not wrong, based on the serial number and the presence of a truss rod, its a '94. truss rod calms me down cos ive heard of even graphite necks warping in local weather. seller had shipped the neck back to joe to get a satin finish instead of the gloss it had on, and if im not wrong get rid of a volute (updating the neck shape). neck is SUPER thin, and flat - it feels more like a thick blade than a neck. action is super low. not used to it - but time will tell.

"finish had a dink or two in at the upper body curve, cracked, but it doesnt look like its reached the wood. well maintained for a bass this old, no fretwear at all. knobs are very lousy, they look like china-made plastic blobs. apparently they are original. seller had blank-o on it to mark the position (no idea why he did that, cos there was a center indent in the EQs). will change them out at first opportunity.

"its heavier than i thought it would be. maybe because im used to a small body (cort curbow 5-that was LIGHT) and because of the truss rod. it balances well sitting, havent gotten a non-straplok strap so havent tried it standing.

"um, i wasnt stunned by the figuring of the body (swamp ash). but i guess its because ive been spending too much time here. haha. my friends think it looks pretty enough.

"no pictures yet. lost my camera a while back and couldnt get a new one... was saving for a bass. will borrow one and get pictures up soon.

"now, im really planning on keeping this bass. but, if i want to sell it, would the solid metal knobs im going to put on affect the sell price negatively, or positively?

"should i keep the plastic knobs just in case?

"now all i need is a fretless 6. Nino, if you read this... do you do gecko fretlesses (warmoth, but i bet you knew that)?"

heh yup. that was it. nino is a builder on the forum, nino valenti, builder of valenti basses. am already having gas (gear acquisition syndrome) for a fretless 6 gecko built by him, but maybe thats because i was brutally separated from my zon for 2 days straight about 12 hours after i got it.

it plays like melted cheese and buttah.

oh yeah, talkbassers are asking for pics of my bass. could someone bring a camera to church to help me? my bass doesnt exist if i dont post a pic. forum rules. hhaha.

leslie bought a bass too, so now we (the youth) have a lot of basses! my cort curbow (with daniel), the youth yamaha (with matthooi), leslie's ibby and my zon. what a happy family!

hrmmm. if chengann didnt exist we'd have more basses than the main service. kudos. chengann has a larger collection than the youth, tho. bleahhh.>>

10-2-06

spheres of glass, a game of marbles

right. im in a rush. 50 minutes to blog, change up, and prepare to go home. oh well, feels like a lot of time.

so nostalgic, blogging by gmail again, or blogging at all. i admit i havent blogged as much as i used to before. but i dont know why. maybe i dont think anyone reads this except val and chris. maybe i dont like talking to a computer or to myself as much as i used to. maybe, maybe its because joel has a really good blog about the crazy things i do already.

cough. anyway, excuses all. so here is a blog entry.

well, my work computer is up. and all the emails piling up at the pop3 server have just been cleared, backlog of paperwork has been pushed to next week, and im actually behind work for the first time here. nothing big, supervisor knows i work very fast when i want to already, so i guess its not that much of a problem for her, or for me.

life has been alright. i slowly find my mind splitting into 2... im increasingly depressed over little things, like how im going to have to do duty this sunday again and going to miss church, and how saturday is going to be running around with no rest at all... but im also feeling higher and higher at night. which is kind of odd, considering i cant pin down what's making me high. i stay off the sugar, i dont drink, i dont smoke, i havent taken helium in a while, so im kind of blur as to where its coming from. maybe its my subconscious protecting itself from the depressing state of the conscious. perhaps. or perhaps its church and my (soon to be) new bass.

well. its getting very interesting at church. new youth pastor, wants to make many changes, extended worship session, bass students (finally, and 3 at that) and all that. lots of work to be done to keep up with the youth pastor, adrian. its tough, but its interesting and a blessing to be a part of this, the change, the step deeper. im waiting to see how it all turns out.

and im getting my bass tomorrow. if it isnt scratched/dinged/broken/firewood or has a missing neck/missing body/missing owner/furry animal stapled to it. i cancelled the ibanez too, so im actually quite on about this one. its a zon. officially, you can confuse me with a guitarist from tomorrow on, because ill finally have 6 strings. then ill have the whole of sunday to practice. if i actually drag my bass over to duty. im not sure i want to take chances like that, dragging my brand-new used bass around an army camp. things can happen. what? im not sure. up to now it sounds like good stuff.

i threw a marble at a new sheet of paper yesterday. thankfully it didnt tear, but it did threaten to. marbles make funny noises when you drop them. and they *are* quite hard to catch when they are bouncing around.

and the game of marbles goes on...>>

3-1-06

the fifth spear -

anger directed against imaginary things

one of the easiest ways to kill your soul is hate. hate is all the more destructive when what you are hating, doesnt actually exist. then you will never be free from the hatred's bondage, except by amnesia or death.

anyway. im not sure there are 6 even. stay tuned for the rest of them.

*and* im stuck at camp. not that that is anything surprising, or even vaguely abnormal. what is abnormal is that everyone managed to take the off that they got from selling flags on the 31st, which i didnt, so its really quiet in here. not that i mind, but would have been better if absolutely no one was around. solitude is so underrated?

temporary solitude anyway. gives one time to think about things, bum around online, and basically sort out my feelings by blogging. on gmail again, of course. but yes. stuff needs to be thought through and i think a lot with my fingers. who said somewhere that the heart is connected straight to the fingers by some vein or other?

ummm. anyway. the problems in camp have vanished, for the most part. God is good. the extras which i was supposed to get for some rubbish way back in december was actually my friend trying to scare me. he's cool. and missing the flag-selling just burned the off that i was supposed to get, no extra problems about it.

well that just leaves the rather pressing problem of arriving late for duty. oh well. just gotta see how *that* turns out.

obnoxious saf. wasting my time. heh. at least i know the saf *does* exist.

um well. what do i say now. im rambling already. at least no lead in my foot so far, im controlling myself pretty ok.

approach life with confident lunacy and a slightly suicidal attitude, and everything will turn out fine

brace your back for wings>>

2-1-06

the sixth spear -

is fear of the unknown

the new year beckons. it isnt very enticing.

but considering how the previous year ended, i suppose nothing could be worse. im dreading going back to camp. probably have some nasty punishment waiting for me or something. all due to a very fluke chain of events that strangled me. and left me with no choice to, all in one day,

-arrive late for my duty

-miss a chalet which was very fun and very exciting and which i would really loved to have gone for

-miss dinner (which was very good stuff, if the prawn was any gauge)

-not be able to go and sell flags for my one day of off. which is more important than you think. army men will kill people for days off.

and now im in big trouble because of consequence one. army sucks. but oh well, im already halfway thru. im not expecting to die anytime between now and nov 06. im not going to. too much to see/do.

yupz. have i mentioned i have ordered a six string bass? yes? oh well, i have ordered a six string bass.

and. yup. cool stuff.

wings.>>