26-12-05

the information presented in this post will not expire before the year 2030

val and i are not together.>>

21-12-05

bright octarine

its a anagrammic day. happens only 12 times a year, so basically im typing rubbish to waste your time again. no im not, i really value your time. im even going to try and help you make the most of your next 15mins. follow the following instructions very carefully. *go and read a book*

there you go, youve spent the last 15mins to 6 hours (depending, of course, on the book within reach and whether youve actually *finished* it) doing something really useful. like brushing up your english. which you cant do reading my blog. and reading also helps you understand references to things like octarine, of which val still has no idea what is, or references to *waugh*. which almost no one gets.

tho you wouldnt get that from reading books. newspapers are good for you. newspaper comics are even better.

go find *waugh*. the select few know. the select one, i correct myself.

anyway. good stuff. im this close to ordering my ibanez prestige 6 string bass with flame maple top yada yada yada. and i realise that my mom has fallen asleep. so no credit card. so no purchase. sigh! what a way to end a hectic rush to find that *single* us of a distributor who will weather "exorbitant shipping rates" and "non-transparent import taxes" (in the words of a distributor who didnt ship anywhere outside the continental us. as in, they wont ship to hawaii. or guam. (is guam still under us control? i forget)) just to get my bass to me.

yeah, you guys have fantastic customer support, replying your email within 4 hours. but i gotta be a customer first, ya, and im about 2000 miles from being one.

anyway. the bass, it looks very cool. but its a light coloured bass. (i wanted bubinga!!!) got all the options i wanted, except the piezo bridge. has one-string bridges, bart pickups, sweepable 15db mid boost/cut, bass/treble boost/cut, flame maple top, neck thru, and i think they even threw in some bubinga to appease my earlier tastes. my *next* bass will be a pure bubinga, i swear.

unless its carbon fiber, haha. go check out http://www.rainsong.com/. it looked like a fantastic concept? and hey, it sounds good. maybe will buy one to challenge david yan's taylor. haha.

but of course, its mostly in the player la. in the fingers, man, thats how they play it.

i miss church. and the very many people i meet in it...>>

19-12-05

angel's wings

well. its been a while. im blogging by email now, cos i cant trust myself with notepad again, and mostly that its pretty much easier plain-typing my blog on gmail and going home to post it with frontpage than to try and meddle with html, no matter how proficient i am (or think myself to be).

anyway its really been a while. its completely possible that my last blog was timestamped wrongly, the least of which indicators is the fact that the earlier entry was posted later. cough. maybe you didnt get that, but never mind.

just wanna blog to cap off a very hectic rest period. (oxymoron, oxymoron). took leave to work myself silly doing music logistics for and attending the youth camp. fantastic stuff. very fun. the stuff leading up to it was very fun too.

actually, it was so fun it was really all a blur. i cant remember much of it. i remember spending a lot of time with friends, basically wearing myself out having fun. filming our propaganda video at church, having music comm meeting (in church, cos mx was in timor), bumming at chris' place doing the music min video editing (the video turned out fantastic, btw, and there are plans for a director's gold collector's edition uncut or something like that, with most people in the video doing stupid things and also *alan's full story*!!!)

whoo. wasnt kidding there.

camp was alright. was running around a way lot more than usual, such that had no free time at all. it was practice, sound check, camp stuff, practice, sound check, camp stuff. camp stuff being, of course, the stuff that all campers do. like listen to messages. i still managed to shave off some time to help my group... which was pretty cool considering who was in it. we had quiet ppl, and noisy ppl, but it all managed to turn out ok. lim hui, zheng hui, and deanna are really cool (and unbelievably cute) people, and im standing behind my statement that leuven is going to go far if he lets God work in him. i see it happening already. jess, chill. heh. youve matured *so much*. im old enough to see it. go God. the group would have disintegrated without Him.

i was ministered to by a charismatic fella trying to control himself in a brethren youth congregation. ditto by an abcdefg. ah beng christian doing evangelism for God - i guessed it was ah beng christian dont ever forget God... i was pretty close. also charismatic, also controlling himself. the tongues thingy. tongues are a touchy issue for us, i think. no, we do not touch tongues!

our play was fantastically choreographed! just no outstanding actors. so too bad, no award. oh well, at least zheng hui had a first hand experience of the stage. nice work, he'll probably turn out a much better actor once he gets over the "i cant hold a girl's hand" stage. hahaha. which was very hilarious, at least for the people who knew what to look out for.

i feel ive made a better friend out of a friend. and ive rediscovered one or two true friends too. sort of went a slight ways apart, then now back together again. im not going to name names here, for fear of implicating myself/shooting myself in the foot/knotting my own noose/peeing in my own (sinking) ship.

i *am* digging my own emotional grave tho, and ill leave you to figure that one out. you'll probably realise it... oh... when you see the headstone. ah yes, after im six feet under. yes, i was a very good man, thank you all for coming, thank you very much for the roses.

im dying in camp now. hence the long post. gmail makes a fantastic in-camp posting buddy for ns men who have internet computers and who hardcode their blogs. uhhh... uhhh... i guess its not very useful to the general populace.>>

3-11-05

the things we do in the name of stupidity

its no good trying to blog like this. the format's all going to be wrong, and youre probably goint to spent twice as much time at home trying to fix it, not to mention the headaches playing with code in frontpage invariably cause.

thats what my head is telling me now. *basically*, im editing my source with notepad. and im playing around with so many *p align="right"* that im basically treading very very carefully. potentially, not carefully enough. with the end result being that the next time someone loads my page, their computer will crash and burn in a flurry of divide-by-zero operations and fatal errors. or perhaps just one of the irritating *(!)error on page* messages that have become so in with the latest blogs.

i think however, that the biggest error that will come from this is that the formatting will not be to my liking. not to mention the multitude of spelling errors typing without a spellcheck gets you. well, take all that as a warning and a disclaimer. *if* you actually get far enough to read this. im not buying anyone a new computer.

funny thing is. the more i move away from doing actual work, the more it *looks* like work. there's nothing that looks more legit-work that someone plinking away at 10,000 lines of code on his desktop. which is exactly what i look like im doing now. interesting, huh.

well yeah. not that anyone would mind. its a freaking public holiday and im stoning in the office just for that one day off. *and* the possibility of not having to do any duty for the whole of january next year. which is a good thing. weekends off are never a bad thing.

im going to state here that im saving up for a chapman stick. even tho i may change my mind, as i do most of the time, i *have* been saving up for a bass guitar so im already this much closer to owning a stick. hopefully before i go uni, so i can link up with ppl with like interests. (ie. weirdo guitarists/bassists who cant stick to guitars/basses)

dont think anyone plays the stick anywhere 1000 miles from where i am tho. but that'll be fun. no relative of the guitar looks as stupid and sounds as good. and all in less than two year's time, with less than a year spent in army. life is good. its passing by quickly. thats good. for now.

well i started this post with the idea that i could blog all day and not feel inclined to do anything else. and i guess i have accomplished that to a certain degree (the last paragraph was typed out 3 hours ago). there's been a lot of time to think so i guess everything's fine and dandy.

anyway, was in one of my "lets study econs" moods. and i came to the conclusion that the best counter to inflation is not any economic control or freedom whatsoever. it is the humble vending machine. i know it sounds stupid, and it probably is, but hear me out.

if the price of a drink at a stall suddenly rises to $1.50, and there's a vending machine next to the stall selling the drink at the same old price (cos changing the guy only comes once a day to top up the cans), no one is going to buy the drink from the stall. it makes sense. now the stall owner has no incentive to increase his price. he's going to be beaten by a machine. *also*, he cant form a small cartel with the vending machine to collectively raise prices.
tada, inflation is kept down.

ok, it sounded a lot better when i was whacking it around in my head. i think i should shut up now.

a stick is wayyy cool. go wwwdotstickdotcom for a look see look see.>>

29-10-05

the bassist's fate

In the beginning there was a bass.
It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows.
Anyway, it was very old ... definitely pre-CBS.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good, in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try). And so he let it be and He created a man to play the bass.

And lo, the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful sunburst red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E-string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments. Thus reverb came to be. And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at His handiwork.

In the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo, it was funky.

And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good.

And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.

And God heard this sound that sounded something like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"

Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that is another story.)

And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo, He became bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."

And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off the bass that God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.

Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man. And He said, "OK for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall player higher than you can even think of."

"And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer, and he shall play so many notes thine head shall ache."

"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass."

"And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this: that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say 'wow,' but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and they shall find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night."

"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink."

And it was so.

- Quoted from "Beyond the Bass Clef" by Tony Levin>>

14-10-05

surreal reality

i wonder aloud how much one can read into dreams. i know most of it is your subconscious mind speaking to your conscious mind, and so most people dismiss dreams as a figment of imagination. however, 90% of the brain power is subconscious, right? should we listen to what it has to say then? i dunno. ive dreamed less and less over the years, and very little since i entered army, but i feel my dreams are getting more and more real, intense, and sticky in the head.

ok you already know this post is going to be about a dream. indeed. one i had between sleeping at 630am after morning exercise, and waking up at 750am to get to the office to do nothing. a very interesting, clear, and disturbing dream at the same time.

i dreamt i was in university. the layout of the university is like a labyrinth, with walkways, half-storey flights of stairs, and basically not too much flat open space. stairs are short, so more than 30 individual stairs go into a flight of stairs, stretching the thing out into more of a slope than anything. nice place, bunks are disgusting, tho. 7 storey monsters with no lifts, made in drab old concrete, so its really like my camp.

anyway its supposed to be like the first day and all, so there's a lot of orientating, games, and all that. i dont recognise a soul. but there's these 2 girls, one looks like ps, and i treat them as good friends, so probably that's my dream friends or something.

so a lot of the dream is really just chasing my friends around. they try and lose me between lectures because like the usual klutz i am i have no idea where the next lecture is. so i was running a lot. got to see a lot of the uni, and it was like those surrealist paintings. get a surrealist designer to design a uni, and it may turn out like in my dream. my leg didnt hurt.

one of those orientation games i remember is that angel mortal thing. and my angel is this girl, who is actually quite obvious in being an angel. either that, or its not supposed to be a secret. anyway, she and this guy were always (in the 2 times i saw them or so) in maroon sports singlets with "temasek rjxer" at the back. thats R-J-X-E-R. weird right? ive never seen such a name before, let alone it being the name of some sports club (i guess) in temasek jc/poly. i also have no idea how anyone in the right frame of mind would wear jc clothes to a uni, but here it was.

anyway im walking with my hands behind me, one hand in the other, and the first time i see her is when she brushes past me squeezing a chocolate into my hand. red metal wrapper, you know that kind, chocolate eggs.

the girl looks familiar, probably met her in tjc or something. cute la. guy also sporty look, but lean. also could say ive seen him before.

some time later one of those 2 friends says something about the girl liking me. and then i say, "but im not here for good la, i have to go back camp tonight."

and then i wake up. in camp. amazingly irritating.

dajie says rjxer just means ppl who are ex-rj ppl. in the context of temasek rjxer, it means ppl who have been in rj for the first 3 months and then crossed over to tj. made a bit of sense, not many of these ppl around also. altho i dont see why anyone would make a singlet to proclaim the fact that they got kicked out of rj... me and val had a more far-fetched idea, which requires rjxer to be read rj-crosser. which means a group of specially chosen ppl whose main job was to educate tj sportsmen about rj strategy. the subject matter experts on rj mentality.

tho that would be compulsive on tj's part. *and* wearing a singlet like that into any local uni would be quite suicidal.

hai. tired. >>

13-10-05

elloz!

and im damn sian. dunno why, but has something to do with a 3 weeks confinement and basically nothing to do at home. haha. and im running out of time already.

no la, getting quite sian of everything. and was wondering where to post, here or squishedlimes, but i guess this blog hasnt seen the light of a post since longer. oh well.

no substance in this post, but just wanna tell everyone i still exist. alone. >>

12-9-05

ewww

man, i dont touch my blog for a while and next thing i know im already 1 month away.

anyway, i quote val :"aaron takes forever to reply messages, doesn't update regularly, won't give me his chocolate and is threatening to wake me up at 3am on a sunday morning. there. now defend yourself."

well, yeah.

message me when im sleeping and ill definitely need some time to reply. im busy, for one thing, thats why i dont update. im lazy too, but thats secondary... i wont give you my chocolate cos you refuse (i quote: "dowan.") to come and get it from me, and i didnt threaten to wake you up at 3 am. you wanted an early wake up call. i'd be up at 3, and i guessed it was in your intention to be up as early as possible.

well. go to squishedlimes.blogspot.com sometime, yeah? brainchild of chris, mostly, and the youth music comm, less. ive been spending quite a bit of time doing it up and its quite a vibrant community already. go check out my recipe for authentic lime juice, no artificial flavouring/colouring/additives/preservatives added. also a good source of citric acid, glucose, and good old H2O. >>

8-8-05

an open letter

to all members and leaders of charismatic churches.

recently i attended fop. now the festival is one of my favourite christian events in the year, and i was really looking forward to this one. one thing new during this fop, however, is the very pervasive presence of praying in tongues. for the verses below, im quoting from the kjv/mkjv.

"Act 2:4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues (in mkjv, languages), as the Spirit gave them utterance."

believe this is where most charismatics would quote to justify yourself. however, fast forward a few verses and the people exclaim "Act 2:8 and how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?"

implying, of course, that these tongues were languages already known to man, and readily identifiable as such even by non-believers. i havent seen any phrase spoken in tongue translated by normal means yet (as in, translated, not interpreted with the Spirit's help)

however there is another type of tongue mentioned in the bible. this is mentioned in in peter's first letter to the corinthian church, "1Co 14:2 for he who speaks in a tongue does not speak to men but to God. for no one hears, but in spirit he speaks mysteries."

this of course obviously states that the tongue would be mysterious, unidentifiable to other people. and i believe this is the tongue that charismatics claim they speak, unless they claim that they are speaking other languages. which is a long draw, considering how repetitive the phrases sound to me, but im willing to consider the possibility and i will deal with it below as well.

lets move on to my points.

one. some christians are uncomfortable with people speaking in tongues. as you can tell from the way im writing this, im one of them. "1Co 14:4 the one speaking in a tongue builds himself up, but he prophesying builds up a church."

"1Co 14:12b-13 ...seek to build up the church, in order that you may abound.
so then he speaking in a language, let him pray that he may interpret."

im not proclaiming myself as some new fangled pastor, so im going to quote from my commentary here. "let [the speaker] ask of God ability that he may explain it clearly to the church. it would seem probable that the power of speaking [in tongues], and the power of conveying truth in a clear and distinct manner, were not always found in the same person."

which means you can speak in tongues but i cant understand a thing unless you interpret what you say and show it to me clearly. which many charismatics dont do. and this may be acceptable in their your own churches, its unfair in multi-church events like fop.

paul could speak tongues! its not a undesirable gift. however, he writes to the corinthians: "1Co 14:18-19 i thank my God, i speak with tongues more than ye all: yet in the church i had rather speak five words with my understanding, that by my voice i might teach others also, than ten thousand words in an unknown tongue."

its self explanatory. edify the church over edifying the self! and by his term church he means the body of christ, not a group of people with similiar interests or even a denomination. he was talking about the *whole* body of christ. that includes non-charismatics.

two. praying in tongues makes pre-believers uncomfortable. now the last thing we want to do is drive a wedge between the church and the people outside of it.

this is how some people reacted when the disciples of jesus first started speaking in tongues after the holy spirit came upon them. "Act 2:13 others mocking said, These men are full of new wine."

and here is the consequence as stated by paul: "1Co 14:23 if therefore the whole church be come together into one place, and all speak with tongues, and there come in those that are unlearned, or unbelievers, will they not say that ye are mad?"

is that what we want, for the people outside to think we are mad?

delirious, you may say. but thats not mad.

three. praying in tongues might not be even the best way to pray. "1Co 14:14 for if i pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth, but my understanding is unfruitful."

how then, should we pray? "1Co 14:15 what is it then? i will pray with the spirit, and i will also pray with the mind; i will sing with the spirit, and i will also sing with the mind." in the same way that we do not sing praise to God with only our intellect, we do not pray with only our spirit guiding the prayer. all parts of our psyche must be involved in the prayer that we may develop all aspects of ourselves.

 some less major issues: "1Co 14:27 If one speaks in a language, let it be by two, or at the most three, and in succession. And let one interpret." a favourite of the charismatic church is to have everyone pray away and let a roar of sound go up to God. tho this might feel and sound fantastic, may i point you to "and let one interpret". we hardly hear the interpretations of prayers done in tongues.  also, the phrase, "in succession" is commonly translated as "one after another"?

yup, thats my letter. wrote it after talking to dajie about fop and the way the charismatics pray. i dumped some verses on her... and now she's not replying. sigh. expanded the verse list, added some notes and whala! you have the above letter.

anyway, i met quite a cute girl today, and finally bought my ritter bass bag! from her la, that is. never met her before probably will never meet her again. not a bad deal, but it wasnt like fantastic fantastic either, cos it was brand new (as in, the price was still quite high la). she bought the wrong bag. so i get a ritter cheap. ritter, happens to be the brand that chengann uses, just that his bag is the high end of the premium range of bags... mine is the high end (flagship model) of the medium range of bags. the difference is quite obvious. i wouldnt throw my bass down a flight of stairs even in my new bag, but i might in chengann's... tho i think not.

army is shit. sat in the office all day today just waiting to be dismissed. at least it ended early. >>

5-8-05

a walk down memory lane. take a break in cafe

i realise ive been date-stamping my recent blogs wrongly. well this has something to do with the way ive only been blogging at 2 or 3 am for the past few days (i always do that, but i also forgot to correct for the error over the past few days)

anyway today was at hollandv just to have dinner with mel and ben and send them off. going to canada and the us (respectively). they'll be gone for a while. will miss them, but ive drifted from mel about as much i can drift already. anyway. it was good stuff... coffee club. the price also... quite interesting. but eating like that once in a while is ok la. i guess. wiped out a chunk of *next* month's allowance. considering i already blew this month's allowance, on things like $50 strings for my bass.

anyway the funny thing is. how many people can you bump into at holland village? ok those i set out to meet dont count. but i ran into, in chronological order:

honlyn (eating with friends at thai village, if im not wrong), chiyon (who missed our dinner to have dinner with friends at, how coincidental, coffee club), tongkai, timyap and zhuanghui (who were having dinner with fellow oxen, or whatever you call them), and then mr marcus, the tj teacher (just crossing the road).

so really, i met a primary school classmate, a sec school gep mate, a jc teacher, all at the same place in the same day? is that coincidence or what?

interesting, really. tho i couldnt stop thinking about honlyn during dinner. haha. appears that joash knows her too. and she him. so one of my friends knows... one of my friends, if i may still call honlyn that. i dont know. also, tongkai and timyap are friends too. which is damn weird too. wonder how they got to know each other. the circle of people... is rather small. or is it that singapore is really the small red dot  ppl say it is?

anyway. yeah. it really appears as tho i can still pick honlyn out of a crowd. tho i didnt stay to chat, like joash did. i wouldnt have known what to say. tongue-tied, memory scrambled, emotions... gone out the window. i seriously didnt know what to feel at all.

my mc didnt get extended by the way. so im going back this sunday night. back to camp, back to the mindless drivel that is ns. fantastic. on a really really side note, i recently crossed the 65 thousand word barrier. now thats no mean feat, but bear in mind, that stephen king writes *books* that are like, twice as long. >>

4-8-05

wondering windering

im wondering. i used to be quite proud of the strata of archived crap in my blog, and i read it again every now and then (i read all of 2002 yesterday). i used to think my blog could be "up there" with mrbrown and xiaxue. whoever these ppl were, i dont know, cos i dont read blogs. but they do seem to have a certain popularity, simply by having nice blogs. (or in xiaxue's case, a nice face)

what really started me thinking is a comment by someone i cant remember yesterday. something about throwing away my archives, or keeping them offline, so that i can finally settle into a blogspot mold instead of having to run around finding hosts like i have been for the past dunno how long.

and i thot to myself, hrmmm, why not? is is sentimentality directed at my blog layout? or something deeper. and after thinking about it, i think ive found an answer. what you see on my blog, is really all there is to me.

before you go *huh?* let me explain myself... i am a forgetful person. you'd be surprised if you knew how forgetful, so i think ill not explain. lets just say that i cannot recall things like faces, or even sec school teachers names. and im talking about sec4. yup. so im forgetful. and i even forget how i was like, how i acted, a year ago. i forget some of my personality, my habits.

which is quite distressing, really. so i write. and archive. and read. and that is really all there is to it. i probably only can remember what i write in my blog, and other attached memories, because there's no records of what id be doing otherwise. not. even. in. my. own. head.

interesting? you betcha. confusing? betcha that as well. >>

3-8-05

sloth induced hiatus

its been three months. 3 whole months. a long time. during this time, this blog got shut down, abandoned, rejected, nursed back to health, and basically suffered at the hands of thieves who call themselves web hosts. basically they wanted money. your friendly blogger here didnt have any, and so the blog got offlined.

well if this blog has gone thru a lot, i must say the author must have survived much more. the last 2 months on mc have been exciting. and boring. depending on where i was. since some unnamed superior told me that "we're not going to pounce on you for going out once or twice", im not going to hide the fact that i *did* go out a bit, but i sure did exercise restraint and took care of myself. thats what im going to tell the military court if they can ever link this to me anyway.

mc was due to an operation, operation was due to a sprained ankle, sprained ankle was due to a friendly soccer match. which, on hindsight, could have been a tad friendlier. or rougher; longer mcs are always welcome to those who are supposedly "serving the country". you'd think they'd hire monkeys to do the job. at least monkeys will have something to do with the peanuts they call "pay" or "allowance" in these circles.

anyway. man. where do i start. start with the church then, where ive been spending a lot of time... the youths are walking deeper... they see the troughs which are coming up now, which is good, which means they wont be going down without a fight... my brother's joined the comm, which... continues... family tradition, if i may call it so. i joined the youth music ministry comm, ymmc for short. lots of ppl joining comms can hardly be a bad thing.

anyway. cool stuff. chris is way cool. mx's new place is damn nice to hang out in. the place is a stone's throw from church, so fantastic. and she's way cool too. anyway. >>

2-5-05

month

its been a month. almost exactly a month, about 10 days over a month... so i have about 30 percent accuracy.

just to update... army is, well, army, and there's not much life you experience except from, well, army, and so there's not much to talk about. met up with class (the sq gang, becky plus a few guys here there) and realised how sad an average 19 (wait, im still 19? it feels like forever) year old guy's life compared to an average 19 year old girl's life. they get more pay, anyway.

anyway, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. khatib is slacker than most, and my unit is the one that is really contributing to that view... so i have it good. just got a letter from my specialist tho... patient has lax ankle due to torn ligament, advise excuse combat duites/ippt permanently... thats a downgrade lor. so it appears i wont be staying here long.

anyway, im almost done with my guitar! at least, i can see the end of the road. its less drilling, more painting and soldering left, which makes for less messy work (drilling *anything* is the way to make the cleanest place messy) funny that now its so close im not spending much time on it, so it will probably take another few weeks or so. not that it really matters la, its taken long enough already.

didnt manage to get any work done on it this weekend, tho. which is really quite suprising. friday got medical appt, sat morning went to old folks home with daryl to set up a network for the old folks to use (pulling adsl cables through false ceiling is tough work, especially with all the lighting fixtures and smoke detectors in the way), afternoon had music practice (with my bass, not my bits and pieces guitar)... yeah. packed out. funny, its only when you get stuck in camp for 5 days every week that you realise the importance of a minute. or a second. i managed to spend nearly a hundred dollars on friday alone for transportation. just couldnt fathom spending the extra traveling time stoning.

its bad for the mind, ns.

anyway, i just got acceptance into nus science, and moe is calling me up for the teaching award interview... they want me to study physics and chem. wonder if i can do double... i want that, but it sounds like suicide as well. what they actually want a major-minor thing la, so i wont be stuck as a physics teacher (which is quite stupid la, i havent seen anyone teach double subjects ever, with the exception of the lit-english or lit-gp combo, and even that is quite rare)

23-3-05

eh... you all not recruits already la

they told me that yesterday. im still trying to figure out whether that means that they expect more from me or that i have more privileges. we are already getting whacked for things we were supposed to have ironed out in bmtc. anyway, ppl on status cant get whacked. and *wow*, am i on status. all the way until 12th april. and my ankle hurts. the skin turning green kind of pain, but only some of you will get this.

fata rocks tho. im starting to call myself the arty guy who will never touch a arty gun. and if i screw up, i may end up doing stuff with restricted equipment only getting commissioned in may. why do i then consider it screwing up? because this stuff is so secretive they rarely go overseas. but if i end up in recon and survey, fantastic man. drive jeeps unlike those infantry scouts, have chances to go overseas a lot, to the tune of 6 times (a year or for 2 years, im not sure)

could could end up in meteo, tho. meteo sounds really cool right? *no*. it is not cool. meteorological service. yes. the met service of the arty, to tell them air pressure and what not to help them aim better. fun right? slack right? *no*. how does setting up 1.5 tonnes of equipment to measure the weather, camoing the whole thing, then packing up in a *very* short time. again and again and again. *not* fun. >>

14-3-05

knife-edge

i am being arm-twisted into blogging.

ok la, its been a while, but its not THAT long what. and now that im out of army, for a while, its more entertaining living life than telling ppl about it. so i dont blog. haha. and certain things happening that i just cant blog about what, anyway. all the interesting bits.

know why the title? my mood is balancing between two extremes... the pissed off, destructive mood caused by my ankle flooding my body with pain signals, and the warm, fuzzy, butterflies in the air, rabbits on the ground feeling of talking to someone ive nearly never met, because she's damn interesting.

see, ive said too much already. anyway, i am being arm-twisted into giving a very big nydc treat also. hey, why dont you bring along your family too :D ok just kidding... but seriously, i said, dessert, at nydc.

sigh.

yes, my ankle hurts. its like, i cannot tiptoe. i cannot walk. weirdly, i can jog, but something tells me thats not a very wise thing to do. also i'd look like a goon, or a very busy man, if i were jogging all over the place. i have a 1 month mc for my ankle, hopefully the specialist i see will downgrade me to become your friendly camp medic. or storeman? ewww. anything but storeman, pls.

ok... what now... i have less than a day left to write that essay for the psc scholarship. so unless you would like to write it for me, yeah, i got to go. >>

1-3-05

eleven

happy for you girl. dont worry la, you wont get kicked out.

im going nuts. 3 more days in this ? place. with no nydc. no church. . i cant stand it anymore! and if you are wondering why there is so much extra punctuation, its because over here we like the punctuate with extra words. mmm. so i am also punctuating. with punctuation.

? it la. i just want to *get out of here*

a levels in 3 days. book out in 3 days. nydc. nydc. help.

anyway, ippt today. thats napfa for you young boys and girls. i have a feeling i will fail. again. haha. not feeling well la! and i can still feel the scars of the wounds the 16km inflicted. oh well, see how lor. if i dont end up in sispec, i also dont mind anymore. just dont post me to infantry. the green beret is disgusting.

nydc!

let me tell a story. bear with me on this one, its a real sob story and it shows me to be a wimp. or you can call it being "sentimental".

on the first night of being outfield, we set up camp on the southwest side of tekong, almost at the beach/cliff. the peeing point was at the fence preventing us from falling off the cliff, or perhaps attempting to commit suicide. or even, trying to swim back to singapore, tho thats about the same as committing suicide.

anyway, at night, after the sun had set and all the singapore lights had come on, i went to pee ( at the peeing point). i could see the airport control tower, as well as a very timely 747 taking off right over me. singapore, so near yet so far. i was so overcome with emotion my hand came up in a ceremonial salute even i didnt expect. a tear rolled down my face even before i could turn away, and it was as tho someone just slapped me in the face.

actually thot today will be just running around a lot. last night was so packed we only sent arms (returned our rifles) at 11. tired la, today. but then, as you can see from the general length of this entry, quite a bit of free time today.

im rambling. but you must allow me to. haha. most of you are in school right now, and i dont want to sms, so this is one of the only little pleasures i have left. dont deprive me. haha.

sigh, ive even come to appreciate half an hour of rest time. last time, i could burn hours at home just bumming on the sofa with my school u still on. oh, how i dont do that anymore.

it appears i may not be booking out on thursday night. there burns away my nydc supper dream. and nydc in the morning just doesnt feel right. i guess ill just go friday night. but i may not survive just that one extra day. argh. i cannot believe i am suffering from withdrawal symptoms. the coffee is that good! argh! *writhes on floor with hershey chocolate/caffeine/choc chip icecream withdrawal symptoms*

the idea of rest in the army is quite interesting. i am resting before ippt, doing a survey in an aircon lecture room. the thing about tekong aircons is that they either dont work at all or they can freeze the sahara over. this one happens to belong to the latter category. my muscles are *cold*. how am i going to perform later. zzz. survey over, ippt now.

i improved by 2 minutes, but i still failed. gives you an idea how slow i ran last time. anyway, i still failed quite solidly.

anyway, hurrah, results out on friday. worried it was on monday. i am ecstatic. and worried. but mostly ecstatic. but i wonder about going to nydc in smart 4. oh well. >>

26-2-05

natural lights out

im struggling to write this as the natural lights out descends on us. yes, i am outfield again.

and, we are learning how to sing our graduating song. and the light is fading quickly, yes, too quickly... >>

25-2-05

flip

whoa. suddenly, huge reversal. ps is fantastic. stood between damien (damien: demon, but also quite a nice guy) and us (ie. saved our ass), encouraged us during 16km route march (more about that later) and generally a very different man from what he was 3 days ago. i cant... really believe it, tho some ppl did say that he was a nice guy quite while back. wanted to write about the route march last night, but with both thighs and both shoulders cramping, plus the fact that i was on the phone, i was too shack/busy/blur to write at all. so here i am, writing now.

where, i hear you ask. at the medical centre, thats where. haha. i got a bad case of blisters after the route march, and couldnt find the medic... wanted to prick it myself today, but the ps feared infection, so he sent me to see the mo. he'll either laugh his head off or scold me. either case, i want to recover fast enough to clear soc later. hopefully the wall doesnt kill me?

my legs are falling off, have a feeling they will cramp up later. but i am a garang soldier.

anyway, back to the 16km route march. know why i could finish 16km from a cold start (just recovered from a 1 week mc)? three reasons. one was the ps. he was getting more and more ecstatic the further i marched, because i have a history of falling out. but he was so nice and everything, i didnt want to disappoint him this time. secondly, there was the sergeant from platoon2 who called us the worst platoon in the company. as we marched on, and ppl from his platoon fell out like flies, i was determined to carry on. thirdly, and most importantly, i just imagined telling tong and val and xy especially that i fell out... i banished the thot, and plodded on.

oh oh oh. and you know how fast we march 16km? imagine this. we have 2 hours of drill, and ippt training in the morning. we have lunch, rest for an hour, then set off. and we are back in time for dinner. with 15kg extra weight in total. guitar hike was... puny.

now you have an idea how long a visit to the mo takes. ever heard of the phrase "the queue's not moving"? its like that here. literally. the board with all the numbers hasn't coughed up a new one since i arrived 45 mins ago. i have about an hour left, otherwise i will miss soc! and have to come back to do it during block leave.

no, thats not nice.

my. legs. are. seriously. falling. off.

thankfully, there's a lot of nice free time later after soc, to rest for the sit test, or situational test, tomorrow. and the day after. and the day after that. thot a 3 hour test was grueling? how about 3 days?

anyway, o levels out on monday. hope the a levels release day is still when we expected it to be, friday. to xy: even tho you'll only possibly see this way after you know your results, you are in my prayers. and im sure you'll do fine. >>

16-2-05

ah... the sound of silence

my nice new impromptu earplugs are working quite nicely. throwing the live nade today. its quite scary really. the throwing are is at least 200m away, but there's still a heart twisting shockwave here every time a nade explodes there.

thats not really why i have the earplugs in already. the platoon sergeant is being an ass again. an ass with a very big mouth. stupid idiot. make us stand and sit for half an hour for nothing. cant stop talking about his commando training, even tho he doesnt wear a red beret. disgusting fellow, cant even settle his own duties and always have to have other sergeants cover him also. thank god he's signing on and keeping out of the general gene pool.

i pity his children, if anyone is idiotic enough to marry him, stupid ass. anyway. i hope i get some good news later at night. i seriously cant think of much else, tho im not optimistic.

talking later to the pc about the stupid ps. also going to ask him about arty, sispec, ocs, and the next bookout date. seriously want to go for the reach event on the 26th.

i mostly made up my mind about going arty already. or at least asking to go. tho im still not sure what rank i want to end up there as there. i half want to go sispec, but i cant stand tekong anymore. see how la. need the pay, see?

heard the A level results are coming out soon too. sigh. worried. >>

14-2-05

perpetual guard duty

helmets on! the bloody warcry of the charlie sergeants. just was made to put on my custom helmet cos some clown from foxtrot lost his at the admin shed.

anyway, spent yesterday like today, shooting and sleeping whenever there was a break. slept so much because we knew we were getting back to bunk late, i slept this morning at 0230, up at 0545.

couldnt sleep last last night either. im not sure why, but im quite sure its not just about the stress of being back in tekong. many things have happened in the past few days. some fun, many painful. and you probably know by now it isnt physical pain. some of you know the full details, but im not... shit la, i think its quite obvious with the tag sitting on the tagboard... ok la, i just wont talk about unhappy things la, "just a misunderstanding", as some ppl put it.

tho no one in the same situation would use the word, "just".

anyway, today is val day and the sad thing about it all is 200 lovesick recruits spending today at the range with no handphone, no girlfriends and no mood to do anything. dont forget the 4000 or so others stuck in here with me. which just reminds me, im back to being in limbo. its not something fantastically new, but the suddenness of it this time was rather painful. however, a few friends have already said that i have an amazing recovery rate. i dunno, maybe memory loss is an allergic reaction to painful stimuli. im feeling slightly better already, cant remember much. altho i was so stress out blur, during book in i was happy to book in, taking it as a brief respite from having girl-related problems.

too much, too quick la. 4 days, did so much crap, got allergic reaction to singapore already la. seems like im getting used to tekong life already. *like real*. moody already, too far from handphone, too far from church, too far from school, too far from home.

sorry if i sound like im schizo. tekong does things to people. but it also has something to do with the lack of a word processor here. >>

10-2-05

sweet sweet pain

ice shards rain down
skin torn from flesh
flesh ripped off
flames consume the living bone
the devil's curse
what is this pain?
nothing in comparison
to death's scythe
prying its way into my heart

you should have told me earlier/yourself/nicely. as to why... go figure it out yourself. or, perhaps i should say it in your lingo. guess. >>

 7-2-05

omega

field camp over! cleaning my rifle, i smile too much and i am ordered to (drop 80 and) smile the whole night. no matter, i think. ill practice it for her so that i wont look moody when i book out. >>

13-1-05

dragging on

its been a long time since i had time to write stuff like this now. this been tiring and all. really really miss home and going to church and all that. dunno why, but i havent done quiet time since i came in even tho i did make a resolution to do it. sometimes it feels like i have no time to do anything that i want to go. there *is* some time, but i really have to multitask most of the time.

anyway, the lecture is about conflict and the guy is asking "who can you have conflicts with?" kindergarten stuff. so im not really listening.

anyway, ippt just now, i nearly failed everything la. im falling sick already, and my arms are still suffering the effects of the tetanus vaccination. oh no, i just realised that later is bcct. basic close combat training. my arms and legs are falling off already.

luckily, the rest of the day after bcct is rifle maintenance, which i really dont mind.

i get tong to call me nearly every night... thanks girl, you really keep me going. >>

9-1-05

military efficiency

another boring lecture, the speaker is again unfashionably late. the same speaker who only told us he wouldnt be coming, one and a half hours into the supposed lecture.

which gives me time to pen this stuff down. tho i got to sign off now. the lecture is quite important. be back tonight if i can.

it was quite funny also. some of the officers here are quite nice. contrary to popular belief, the lower ranks are usually more picky.

lecture's just over, waiting for the sergeants to come back and get us. my spelling and handwriting, btw, is getting atrocious.

tho you wouldnt be able to tell from here, ya. >>

7-1-05

green is starker than orange

today quite slack. ro is out. tomorrow is also quite slack la, 2 talks and the first swimming lesson. more like a test than a lesson tho. the fact that i actually have time to write this down is testament to the fact that today is slack. ill write more tomorrow, if it is as slack as they say it is.

the food is quite good, btw. tho i cant eat more than half of a meal. >>

6-1-05

army green

tomorrow. yes. after the stinging anticipation my time is finally up. i am cornered and ive just been offered a place to sleep over i cannot decline. in tekong.

anyway, my camera is really lost. there goes the pay of all my bmt. yes, it will cost that much to replace it. tho im not going to. i have grander plans. so in all dark eras there is always a glimmer of hope and good news. im going to upgrade.

will cost me much. will benefit me more, i hope.

i find it funny that this bug really likes my neck. shoo. and i find it even funnier that i think jungle training is going to be all fine and dandy when i cant stand a bug on my neck. shoo.

oh well. ill be bringing 2 books in. a diary (my personal offline blog) and my bible. i will use both everyday, i hope, and i will come back and upload. stay tuned, and pray for me. >>

 4-1-05

prancing bananas!

i lost my camera. yes, the 600 monster. i just had this feeling id lose it today, because i didnt carry it around in its traditional pouch. and with the strap around my wrist, i left it in the cab. this could turn out to be my most expensive cab ride yet.

sigh. why do things like that repeatedly happen to me. i forgot even about today's meeting, had to rush down from home. maybe all the rush made me careless. sigh.

anyway, what may be lost, may be lost. did talk with someone relatively cute today, as well as caught up with a very elusive ms heng. dunno, i just didnt want to soil the mood by pacing around for my camera, so i sort of didnt push it. it sort of worked, tho aaron foo was more concerned about my camera than i appeared to be. of course, i was concerned. just didnt want to show it and spoil the mood, yeah? >>

3-1-05

help my ankle is making weird clicky noises

yes, such is life. i am so screwed. every day, the freedom of movement drops and more noises emanate from the misaligned bones and half-torn ligaments. i am so screwed.

dunno if i should make it more obvious. i dunno. she heads to school today. probably not see her in a while.

to hozzy: i dont know why im writing this here but i had nowhere else to write it. i read your post on the 1st jan, and im like, thats not the hozzy i know. i found you a lively and cute girl after the times we met and talked, whether face to face or over the phone. when i think about you... its more of, "i should have gotten to know her better" more than, "the girl with the 'evil look'", even tho i have been on the receiving end of that. no one's perfect, and no one's going to remember you for your faults or shortcomings. yeah? and you have so much more to be likeable about. so cheer up girl. and sms me when you see this. >>

1-1-05

hi