http://www.pconline.com.cn/pcedu/carton/mtv/10212/other/021202xingyu.swf >>

30-11-03

the hurt i feel

is not visible, is not justifiable, is not understood. no one cares.

oh well. stupid advert is back and i dunno how to kill it this time. and yes ive been blogging quite a bit. lol.

ok... some things have happened, but because ive been sworn to secrecy, this blog is going to be a lot less informative than i wanted it to be. basically its making me mad, sad, and hurt all at the same time, and i cant explain why.

i really cant accept guys who are assholes towards girls. i try my best not to be one... its just... amoral. like, bullying. cos girls are more fragile with regard to the emotions. so playing around is really like fighting on unfair ground. bullying, they call it.

anyway i think guys who are assholes should really keep their hands to themselves to avoid hurting others. i really cant imagine this is happening right in front of my eyes. i am watching a good friend crushed, a deep crush walk into danger, leaving a best friend thinking i am in the ultra-depressed mood again.

which i am. but thats besides the point.

the point, i cannot say. except to those who are in the know. and those who are in the know and know that i know, and whom i can trust, number one and only one. and since she's not always free, this is getting to be quite a draw on my mental stability. i hope i dont crack too soon. if i dont talk about it soon, ive got to suppress it, or let it take control again. and god knows what ill do if it takes control.

today was rather alright, after church (during which there was a lovely worship led by derrick) i hopped over to expo to see sitex. i didnt see anything new, just the 23 inch lcd mac screen going for $6k (i saw it in a moe recording studio in sec 2, guy told me it was $8k) and a dual G5 processor setup. i also saw a lot of xbox. like played a good 3 hours there.

the weirdest thing now is shuzhen just convinced me to call HER. i wonder how i got myself into this, but i think its what i want too. i guess ill do it when i have enough guts. shuzhen says not to think, just call, and let it flow from there. im not too keen on that...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,

Brown paper packages tied up with strings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,

Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles,

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings,

These are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes,

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,

Silver white winters that melt into springs,

These are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites,

When the bee stings,

When I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things

and then I don't feel so bad. >>

 27-11-03

i do it cos i choose to.

nah. i do it cos i choose to protect those around me. usually from myself.

today quite cool. ponned a lot of shit today, had quite a bit of explaining to do.

what my day supposed to look like:

woke up damn early to go to school. work whole day. went to talk to art teacher at noon, havent done any of my art yet. going to die. picked up amelie from chiew.

what my day looked like:

went early to daryls house to update myself on the newest game fads. played a bit (actually, quite a bit) of halo, then hopped over to great world city to watch matrix revolutions on imax for a measly $5.50, and then went to the arcade for a while and then went home.

matrix was ok lah, not as bad as i thot, really... hearing some of the reviews i was prepared to watch a movie not worth the screen it was being projected on. it wasnt that bad. really good really. a nice end to the trilogy, of which the second installation i havent watched yet.

oh well. at the arcade i only touched one game, sogeki, or silent scope 3, otherwise known as the sniping game... apparently my practice with air rifle and silent scope 2 has paid off, i got further than chunhui (who played before) and this was only my first try. im a headshot pro when im not trying to keep my ass alive...

anyway, that was it today. memorable, as was yesterday. i completely forgot to tell chiew i wasnt going to be able to make it...

argh. the letter. >>

26-11-03

the 29th step

i wish. actually i dont. i hope. cos wishes have a nasty way of backfiring, like the story about the monkey paw and now the story about the wishing stairs.

anyway today was a blast... woke up on time to go to the metal store and get wire for the orientation identities, which we were going to make into cute little fishies to hang on our cute little ogms' necks. very nice, pliered out with love and care. but apparently today supposed to meet peisze and minghui for an outing, cos minghui misses us a lot. i guess we miss him too, but we dont miss each other as much cos we see each other at guitar anyway. but weird for him to ask us out, i guess its not weird for him. its good to have friends like him, you know you will never lose them.

and so we went to hang out together, with the end result of  watching wishing stairs... went to yoshinoya, kinokuniya as well as hmv along the way to while off time till the 530 show. we bought the ticks at 4? odd. around there. met becky and amy at yoshinoya, she giving me funny looks again cos maybe she recognises peisze, but we really dont care, cos there could be nothing between us... met michelle and argh what's her name its on the tip of my brain... argh argh... ok im so sorry i forgot your name. at hmv. and michelle wanted to join us for the movie, which was the best part of the day in my opinion. ok, she's attached, but its for a different reason im happy, ok? see later.

anyway during the movie peisze obviously not scared or pretending not to be, but michelle was really freaked out. which was damn funny. not that it wasnt scary, but she had her hands over her eyes every time the music turned eerie, and its been a while since ive sat next to a girl with such a reaction... (you must realise that i have church classmates like mel, who laugh when bad guys die, and so i dont really know how to handle girls who are more, well, like girls) and so i prodded her regularly during the movie with my elbow to tell her when the scary bits were over... and the first time i did it she freaked out lol...

never met someone so freakish before. anyway the move was scary, i was kept at the edge of my seat so i wouldnt be frightened by something jumping out and so like move in my seat... was acting cool. but at the end my heart was beating a bit quicker than usual...

oh well after the movie when michelle was still shaking the three of use ran a series of pranks on her... very funny... from the standard pouncing on her from behind to the "peisze puts arm over michelle, i swap my hand for puiszes had and then puisze walks away leaving michelle wondering who that hand belongs to" trick... absolutely memorable afternoon till night out.

but i couldnt shut my eyes in the shower. lol.

i was supposed to write another pseudoletter yesterday, but i thot id bring it forward to today, cos yesterday's blog was already long enough as it was. now i think i have to push it further back, i think ill stop blogging for the night... >>

25-11-03

flames of anger, suspicion and hatred

what a rush. first time ive been feeling alright to blog since the bbq, and i got a heck load of things on my heart. ok, lets recap the few days, see if i can remember, with all the bloggable stuff in italics, and then ill blog about it in a paragraph or two. or three. perhaps four. as you can see, its going to be quite a blog. also going to write another pseudoletter. so its going to be super long.

oh well. after the bbq, i went home and chatted with shuzhen about our class until about 3 am. next day, overslept so didnt go to church, went straight to tj to do stuff. guitar? issit? i think so. argh no thats for the bbq... argh. my mind. i went to ri to catch up with my ri class, meeting wenkien, which pisses me off now i think about it. later. and meeting ms heng as well we go to thompson plaza to lan and then go to junyuan's house to stay over, yes, and then in the morning i head over to tj to do more stuff, being damn late and all, to plan for orientation. reach home and damn shack and go to sleep at 7pm. and woke up today at 11 am and recover whole day. yups.

the previous paragraph, which, translated into french, german, and back to english by babelfish, reads:

the OH well after the BBQ I went to the house and with shuzhen regarding our class to approximate at 3 to have the following day caused, overslept in such a way go didnt to the church went directly the TJ the substance guitar making? issit? I do not think so argh thats for argh from BBQ.... my spirit _ I go laughing on around me up-get opposite my class of to laugh, meet to wenkien, what pisse I on far now the fact that I think later and heng from woman von Sitzung go likewise to us on plaza from Thompson at LAN and then to go at house of junyuan more, and then does not remain for more substance, anything in head of morning i more at TJ over to make late and all, over plans thereby over goes house of expansion of orientation and in the bucket shack and to sleep at 7pm. and wake themselves today at 11 TO and recover yups completely

some trivia. translation services still have a long way to go.

ok what's first... the class. ok shift it to the last. ri. met at bishan with 18 odd dudes to play soccer and basically catch up with each other... with ms heng to pei wo men and all that... really had fun, catching up with everyone who i havent met in months... and ms heng... still really like her, feel like she's my quistis. a teacher who is also like a big sister. dunno if she feels like that too. she said i put on weight... damn bad.

she's changed quite a bit. always making references to her friends doing really crazy stuff, when she's really been quite a plain girl (or so i think). anyway she's really changed. she's always treated us as equals, and now its the same, but something just tells me the administration has taken its tolls. she says shes very busy, all the time... and she looks soooo different! i used to think she looked really good... and in the guitar book she was really cute when she was 18, but dunno how things went this way. or maybe cos she has no time to care about such things anymore. in any case, its probably moe's fault again. everything is moe's fault. they built the foundations.

after that went lanning, as usual dudes like jon still kill us all, but im ok in iceworld if i can get to my para without getting shot. after that, went to junyauns house for a stayover, which was quite weird, cos junyuan had to sleep early cos he had a match the next day, and so we had 3 guys playing littlefighter and gunbound late into the night. jon quit at 2ish, me at 4ish and chunhui reportedly slept at 6.

more stuff. at tj we go thru more stuff we need for our tikki and identities... then we actually go out and buy them at (where's that?) ah... spotlight or something at tampines. got quite a load of stuff there but all quite expensive i think. oh well. wanted to get chains for everyone's identity, you know, real CHAINS, but quite ex, about 1 per guy, and we didnt know if we could spent that kind of money. double our budget actually. anyway i think we still can use the wire to replace the chain... still classy, nice and hardy too.

ok. now about my class. it started out with a rather innocent comment to get the iris gang to move to mix with the guys during the bbq, i told iris when she came to get more food not to be so anti-social and to come and mix. basically wanted the whole class to be closer. but when i reached home that night shuzhen confronted me and asked me why i did that. i realised she was really upset cos her clik made all the effort to come down for this bbq to be "sociable" and all... but i just shot that down. and she had been complaining too about how the guys were the other clik biased when organising events...  such as changing the date when shuqin's gang couldn't make it but sticking to it even when shuzhen's group couldnt... i couldnt agree more, and i started seeing things their way. its all eugene's fault really, the way i see it, he uses class outings as a way to get close to shuqin, and thats where all the crap comes in. he refuses to accept it, hiding behind the thin veil that he likes someone else but obviously leaving out the fact that he hasnt made a move since he decided she was the one. i think he has 8 so far, 8 potential and failed targets. all rejected him. oh well.  we agreed that the class isnt as united as we wanted it to be. even tho there were improvements, its still a three clik class. girls1, girls2, and the guys, who majorly side shuqin's gang. and so obviously shuzhen's gang feels left out. the guys have since broken into the glue, but this is more like water than glue, not strong enough to hold both sides together.

i concluded wisely that shuqin's gang, especially yeeteng and joanna, were the cause of the split. they are clikish ppl, and they rather have a small group of confidants, not a large group of social friends. this also could go to the extent of excluding ppl who want to know them better (as i well realised during the famous shuqin blockade). ms heng confirmed my thots, its the girls. haha. its really cos of the way they operate, that cannot have a large united class. ms heng is a girl, mind you, but she says she doesnt (or didnt) operate that way. sort of like a honlyn from the sounds of it. mmm. act like a guy in terms of the way you view your relationships...

im not surprised she turned out guitar prez.

ok... on to wenkien. met teresa at tj obviously cos she's also involved with the planning of the orientation and i told her i met wenkien the previous day. and she was like super pissed. and i remember at the ri gathering i asked junyuan about hon and when he asked yink, the first words were like wenkien. val also thinks i said something wrong to teresa and seems like the mention of his name itself is enough to make her unhappy. something's not right, and val refuses to tell me. and im getting rather frustrated over this thing, val even had to ask why i was so interested. im not interested, im damn bloody concerned. apparently wenkien isnt even turning up in his church at the normal times anymore. i dunno. i hate to jump to conclusions, but this is all really killing me. i wish someone would step out and tell me what the hell is going on so that i can decide to hate, punch or kill. or all. its a shit seeing teresa angry or sad, and its a shit hearing about hon in that way. wenkien? oh puh-lease.

1244 words... minus the crap. >>

22-11-03

bbqed prawns

im smelling like them. and thats after ive bathed. im smelling like soap and bbqed prawns. my shirt smells like bbqed prawns, my pants, my bag...

oh well. successful class outing. and got to practice on my firestarting as well. huijing is quite chio leh... after taking a really good look today... i thot she did last time, now i am in full agreement with derrick... more chio than pohsuan... i think.

started of with bowling, cos it was raining and really difficult to do anything outside... first game 68, around average for me, then second game maybe cos the girls (mostly huijing, im especially like this when around girls i dont know) were watching, bucked up and did a 101. first time breaking the 100 barrier... oh well. the power of women over men. or gals over guys anyway.

then a long walk to ty's house and then on to the bus stop (another long walk) where we took a (very long) bus trip right back almost all the way to tj to get to our spot. a nice place shunned by everyone, eugene had gotten the last pit for booking on that day. legs hurting now. immediately got down to starting the fire. seems like everyone has his own way of starting a fire, and various opinions can abound from just one state of the fire. the same fire can have pony saying its "ready and stop wasting charcoal" while weiqin says its too small for anything. i think i did fine, fire was roaring in an hour. weiqin did help tho, im out of practice setting up fires already.

food was good, weiqin knows how to cook the stuff. ate quite a bit.

and charles the unstoppable, the great, the mighty serenader, the one who swipes girls off their feet with his voice was singing most of the time. i think he was either singing or eating. which means he was singing pretty often. yeah. our class thinks he should be cutting a CD soon. that'll be cool. having a pop star as our classmate...

oh well. wish i could sing that well.

tried a crazy stunt linus suggested. filled a one litre bottle with gas from a lighter... then sparked it off... first a small blue flame appeared at the tip of the bottle, and when i tried to shake it out, it blew up, spouting a blue fireball about the size of a football from the mouth of the bottle, and also filling the bottle with a brilliant bright glow the color of they microsoft taskbar. brilliant blue. and everyone thot instantly im a pyromaniac. and i am. and proud of it.

left at 11, was home at 1245. which is when i wrote this blog. class outing today, another class outing tomolo. wow. tired.

im a people addict. help me kick the habit... is it bad or good... i just tire myself out chasing dreams of relationships people are not going to establish... not just referring to those sort of relationships, tho everyone thinks im THAT kind of person. i cant see why. maybe someone can enlighten me. >>

20-11-03

happy enough. but why wont you stop and chat.

yes. why? is it that difficult?

but im feeling rather happy today? wonder why. >>

19-11-03

hurt is a very human emotion

and i would know. i wonder why it just seems to hit me when everything is going fine. depression? maybe. not really sure tho. just a aversion to sleep and all things happy. and i hate it. yet i like it. can you imagine it, liking being unhappy? well, if that makes me happy...

i guess it will have to do.

today went down to school to do stuff... oga ogl stuff. cant wait for the new school term to start, but right now we've got lots of stuff to do and im really not sure where to start...

chatting chatting chatting... with ppl i never chat with, with ppl i dont know. huijing, iris, cheryl... >>

18-11-03

where are you? who are you?

completed ff8! whoo hoo. but actually expected more of the ending movie... but at least it gave me more footage of quistis, who is my opinion is under-filmed (or rendered, in this case) she's the one i really like. heard someone ACTS as quistis. as in they had someone to model for the programmers. i guess ill go and check out who then... lol.

wonder what im supposed to achieve during this hols. i really want to read more, but right now im just slacking until my ass rots off. i think this is really bad, and not just for my ass, my brain's rotting too. oh well. *potters around looking for something meaningful to do*

im gotta have to start on that temasek times article i promised kaishi id do on the prom nite. im still organising my thots, or thats my excuse anyway. the holidays are still young? maybe. doubt they'll wait that long tho. also i have some office work to do for my mom, luckily im paid this time... some spreadsheets or some other, dunno when im going to start or how long its going to take.

and all those camps im supposed to be planning for. uhoh. which reminds me.

i realised leaving your legacy in a blog isnt the best way to leave a legacy. there are 2 ways better. a diary, to be published when you are famous and dead, or a chatlog, a gazillion files with little bits of you stored in computer memory as well as people memory... thats the way i want to be remembered.

or possibly only in the mind of one person. thats enough. such that when i go, someone will...

my dad wants me off the computer early again today. think i left the hall lights on. is that the lamest excuse you ever heard? im not going to give him pleasure by doing something meaningful, im going to sleep now, even tho i took a long nap in the afternoon. >>

17-11-03

if you knew how much you mean to me, you'd either run away and never speak to me again, or you'd never be offline...

who im talking about? not sure... as in, u will not be sure. this popped into my head... and im typing it now cos its the first time in a while im blogging. oh well. my heart aches for you man...

prom nite was... ok lah. fortissimo... really loud, but the average colour was about a bluish dark grey... and the colour of the night was black really... and black isnt the brightest or loudest of colours... i wore black and brown...

food was... respectable, but nothing to scream about... i had a stomachache after it, tho... dont know if its the culprit. the songs by charles were really nice, but as we can all see now he isnt much of a screamer... he sings well tho. my bass amp is very soft on a big stage, they should have lined-out or gotten a bigger amp... 50 watts is obviously not enough for a room that size and the music they were trying to play.

oh well, i think quite a few people enjoyed themselves, i didnt really, but my class wasnt there so i thot i had a bit of license to be a little more quiet...  i guess tj doesnt have much of a clubbing culture either... we cant dance for nuts, or is it that we are just too young for that kinda thing?

its hon! what if u slept? and what if, in your sleep, u dreamed is offline and may not reply. >>

06-11-03

the guitar man

chinese sux. no competition. i think im dead.

anyway sc rules. im talking about the shadow council, not the student's council... i dunno if its a great achievement, but ppl are starting to consider me a councillor? quite cool. i shall not overstep the line. i shall not.

oh well, i have assumed the self-titled post of the guitar man in tjc. i do repairs, teaching, selling... and all the little knick knacks that makes guitars tick. upgrading. yes. potentially, but mostly resurrecting guitars from guitar hell (the sc room)... i love guitars. makes me wonder if i should pursue that as a career... aaron the luthier. so cool...

maybe. now i have toby's guitar here and i dun know what to do with it... he wants it converted into a nylon jazz semi electric... possible, but im at a loss. anyway, so many things to do, so little time... i wanna go and sleep.

which reminds me, i met her online again yesterday. too bad for only a short while, but as usual, i learnt something new about her in that few short sentences of exchange. not going to change my nick for a long time. >>

04-11-03

urgh.

check out a program called vue 4. see the beautiful sunset on my webpage? thats terragen. i made it. but i cant do any vegetation except moss, so it doesnt look so real. vue 4 does all this, and PLANTS, and weather effects (like wind and lightning), and dah dah dah. i want a copy, but its US$200 for one, and im not made of that kind of cash.

ho well, ppl are all in holiday mood, took parting photos of chiew, feeling totally sorry for ourselves that he was leaving... and all that. again didnt finish watching nemo, im still stuck on one disc. too bad. i shall finish amelie first then.

i want to sleep, but i dont want to sleep...

i miss church class. >>

01-11-03

i sat for a sat on a sat

wow. the year is up already... and... and... im a failure.

shuqin's online, tho. tired. going to sleep. >>

31-10-03

im looking for someone to share the sorrow of having no one to share sorrows with

quite happy today. got a very very nice movie of shuqin... all in full knowledge. well, almost. love her hair, i really do. anyway. class was good, and all was well.

but of course life never plays fair, and so here comes the shit. brinkster is introducing ads into all free (aka mine too) accounts with immediate effect . im positively pissed. as you can see how it already messes up this frame like mad. i am seriously seriously considering moving to upsaid. what a waste, now that im really starting to like this design.

oh well. life's a shit. sometimes. the average today is still happy, thanks to this movie here. >>

30-10-03

nightfall. and along with it, darkness.

our class of pon stars.

S.H.E. concert today, but i think it should more aptly be called S.H. because ella (is that her name) wasnt there. i aint exactly a fan of them, as you can see. this was actually the first time ive heard them. but went anyway cos many of the girls in class going. and it aint like me to miss a free concert anyway. anyway i heard that one was quite ugly (or less chio), and i found out today that that was ella, so no big loss. H is cute, and very act cute. but if you look cute people tend to forgive you for acting cute. as eugene says, as long as you aint shuyi you can act cute. S was chioer but... more controlled. yes. H has the better voice. and i think E does the harmonizing? so she's ok too. as in they had a dubbed track of E singing so that S and H wouldnt have to sing more than they were used to. maybe the whole thing was dubbed. couldnt tell. the music was ok, poppy stuff, easy on the ears. didnt understand a shit they were singing. they could have been speaking in yiddish for all it was worth.

all in all worth the money. cos it was free. but they only sang 3 songs... and during the slow song, (the most popular one, even i heard it b4) most of us took out our handphones and used them as light sticks, and it was really beautiful. so you know how many of us have blue or white screen lights. it even drove S to comment about it.

and the cameras. man.

anyway today i did the unthinkable. i touched her hair again. after such a long long wait. and it felt so good. hrm. luckily there was no adverse reaction. i am happy all over again. pls keep it this way.

on a separate note completely, i am back to asimov. he rules. >>

26-10-03

life deals an awkward hand.

yup. it does. just that sometimes you spend so much time thinking of the cards you want and you do not see the cards you already have. like, you have a full house, and you want a straight flush kind of thing. when i think about it, not a pleasant thought.

which is of little relation of my life currently. just that a lot of things have changed. ppl have moved around, links which were there a while before have been destroyed, links which were not there have been created. i am talking to people i would not have expected to talk to these two years. yup. shuqin talks to me again. iris too, weirdly. sokzhen quite a bit online. i am rumored (again!) to be attached. and if my sources are correct weiqin has been shot for his arrogance. the same way i was shot for getting chummy with shuqin a while back. i feel bad for him, but i think he should have seen it coming.

on a side note, PW turned out fine! amazingly, i feel we have a very good chance at this "exceeding expectations" thing. yeah. and i looked so calm at the last few days that ppl thot our group finished everything already. actually, its my i am calm thing thats going on. i am calm, and therefore, nothing worries me. simple.

anyway. sentosa tomolo. :-D whoops i forgot to ask yunfoong. crap. crap. >>

20-10-03

i am calm.

sats in 11 days. oh well. pw in less than a week. and chinese in 3-4 weeks. oh well.

she was online again today, but i just missed her, or she purposely went offline. i should stop having this view she's trying to avoid me, cos she isnt doing a great job. yup. maybe she's just busy, or that the distance between us is longer than i thot.

ac has nice art.

jj has nice art too. and mr kong is in jj. quite weird to meet him there. we had a good talk.

i particularly liked ac's sculptures. its well known to be a sculpture center, good enough such that if you come from another art center you shouldnt be doing sculpture cos they will just beat you hands down feet down. yup. tj is supposed to be a batik center. but we lost the touch. still, till this day, few ppl outside tj attempt batik in the fear of us.

same for ac. im not going to touch clay for my coursework.

the 12-string rules. i can pluck on it now, pluck out a miserable qing tian, but it sounds passable and the quality of the sound is 10 times that of a 6-stringer. and my fingers are getting super strong. as in, im actually getting able to bar this thing.

but of course fingers are weak compared to racket sports ppl. or hockey ppl for that matter.

oh well. i am relegated to being the tj jukebox, along with charles my trusty sidekick/singer. actually, the only thing i do is own the guitar, he can play it too.

wouldnt know if he knows 12 string. >>

17-10-03

the very healing salve tears new wounds. i bleed.

open house. guitar club has everything down pat. we got LT1. best place. we have a ppt, a mini concert, 3 nice big super nice looking banners, 6 A4 posters, and even one of those cute little "next performance at" clocks. after one performance, the audi aircon is found to be spoilt, so the school needs somewhere to stage its main event. guess who gets evicted?

no points for guessing who.

and i wasnt happy. i was pissed, to be exact.

sorry val for flaming the councillors. im not sorry for punching the vending machine, because after all this while its still eating our hard earned cash without spitting a pittance out. i slammed it so hard i think i know some ppl made the decision not to come to TJ at that instant. anyway. i was pissed. at the school. first time ive been, ever.

and to add insult to injury, we arent given a decent burial. just, "the thing at the audi will now be held at LT1", no "the guitar club which was at LT1 is now in some miserable shelter outside the general office, and dont bother going, cos the rock music from the sports complex will drown them out, we arent going to bother shutting it down and we arent even going to shut it down so siying can use the mikes to sing. and did we say we're going to evict them again?"

did i mention i was pissed?

anyway, today first time she replied my message! i am so happy, but i didnt know what to type. also very preoccupied with my 12-string. wonder why. ITS HER LEH. i shout at myself after she leaves. damnit.

the guitar sounds good tho. not like a guit at all.

one more thing to learn. she comes FIRST, damnit. >>

16-10-03

the night shines bright...

sigh. i cant get this onto a cd. and if i cant, guitar will screw me upside down. why does all this seem so familiar? damn. going to be really really lame. anyway, skipped school today again... very tired and have a bad headache. i need more sleep. and heng's finally replied. since she has no violent objections, im going to send out the photos. yup yup. that will be fun. but for now, guitar and school has swallowed my life. i dont even have time to think about the jamming studio. not little enough time to think about her, tho, apparently. >>

13-10-03

the letter i wrote, i will never send. the person it was meant for, will never see it.

oh well. couldnt blog for a while. i am damn pissed with my dad, but i shall not document it here. even if it is wholly my fault (which it isnt), he prolly could be a bit more understanding. i am not going to let my shields down again. if i get hurt, its cos im stupid, and have too soft a heart.

anyway down to the letter. shant let this small things bother me.

this was a letter ive been writing in my head since sec 2. its been refined over and over, and polished, but the message is the same. its for her, but i never did send it.

here goes.

dear girl,

it may seem weird how im writing to you like this, but there's a lot ive been wanting to tell you. i just have no guts. ever since pri 6, i thot i liked you, and my view hasnt changed. in sec 2,  i had the chance to meet you again, and it was great, for a time. i still remember most of it, and im very happy to have those memories.

ive always had this... crush, on you. everyone knew. well, almost everyone. and i wish i had gotten to know you better. but all this is besides the point. let me go on.

ive always thot you were a wonder kid. good at studies, sports, likeable personality, leadership potential is superb. music, not that i know of, but that may have changed. heard you were learning guitar. its like whateva you put your hands to, turns out right. you know how to work hard, dun look down on ppl... everything. the almost perfect person.

and thats why i liked you. and why i still do. i wanted to go to rj for few reason, you were one of them. on of the major ones anyway. i hear of stories about you, and i wish i was there, i really do. and i wonder what it would be like if i ever made the cut. it would be like a second chance.

but there's no point thinking about things that didnt happen, right?

oh well. got sidetracked. the real point is. i see such a wonderful girl, and i dun understand how you would need anyone. anyone at all. and i think you may feel this way. which, sadly, is not the case.

i know it may seem weird telling you that you need someone. you see, ive known this someone for a long time now, and i am not even comparable to you with respect to the world. and to you, it may seem that a handicapped person is selling a crutch to a normal person. u may be the best of people...

but thats for this world only, right?

i know im not a great salesman for Jesus. ive particularly screwed up in almost every area of my life, and its almost impossible to see how Jesus is working in me. but he does. i can vouch for it. and i hope you can know him too, such that he can help you too. not just for the next world, but for this one too.

and you will need his help in the next world.

i really like you, and i dont want to see you pass me by without doing something to convince you to this side. it really pains me to know that if anything happens to you, now, i will be bashing myself for eternity becos i know i did not do enough. you know i tried. i tried, maybe too hard. if i have repulsed you with my forthcomingness, i am sorry. know that i am bashing myself for this too. i know how difficult it is to come for events i organize to meet my friends who all have something in common with me and uncommon with you. i know. but i have to try. hopefully, one day, you will agree.

i pray, all the time, someone else will continue the work i have done. even if you never see me again, i will be very happy if i know you are on the right side for eternity. and eternity is a very long time.

595 words. hai. anyway. feel bad now everything has come out into the open. if you are reading this and you ask yourself, [could it be me], then... probably so. ive left enough clues. >>

11-10-03

xing dan dan. what a name.

i dreamt of her again. not xing dan dan, thats a different person altogether. yah this time it was a full cast of church ppl, ri guys, nanyang ppl, rgs gals, and the like. i wonder how my brain manages to fool my brain into thinking it is all real. i actually like spent a whole afternoon just with her. and its so weird, when i wake up, and realise its all not going to happen, really.

quite an interesting dream. some lecture scenes, obviously spliced in from tjc "shuqin" experiences, cos the feelings were the same. some church scenes, but i remember a kampong style church. some... argh, i forgot it all already. i woke up with a bang, and i was wishing i could  be left there for longer. possibly foreva.  i dun mind getting trapped foreva in that kind of dream. beats real LIFE hands down legs down anyway. and i forgot a lot of it. i just remember the feeling. its been a long day, what with guitar and all.

which of course brings me to xing dan dan. its actually heng tang tang, she used that name in tjc. or was her real chinese name, or something like that. she really looks like marie, and really is quite cute.  quite chio in fact. (what happened, i may feel inclined to ask, but she really is a very nice person and i shall not be nasty) (i hope this doesnt sound like i have a crush on my ex-geog teacher) i feel like scanning the bunch of photos here and sending it to the e groups but im going to ask for permission first.

oh well, and it brings back fond and not so fond memories of ri. time is like beer, with enough of it, it makes everything look rosy. im sure heng had a shit of a time chasing after me, and i was really sorry for all that. especially when her xing chang hen hao. which is of course also after hindsight. i must have disliked her. sometimes. and liked her too. sometimes.

but now i like her. and i dont think that will change. she really is such a great teacher, patient and understanding when i gave her (and many other teachers) hell. oh well. im sorry.

guitar was damn tiring today, and my fingertips are still hurting. luckily my nails are back, and i havent broken any yet. and open house is this coming friday. argh. banner not done powerpoint not done pieces not practiced. but we will pull thru. guitar has this impossibly desirable knack for that. >>

9-10-03

sunlight bullets? silver nitrate?

underworld is a nice show. i cant wait for tomolo, meeting classmates again without the pressures of the promos is going to be invigorating. except that is for pw, that kinda takes some of the kick out of it. anyway, pw is almost done, so we can relax a bit tomolo anyway.

kate beckingsale is so damn chio. so is wong li lin, and her lah. i think she looks a lot like li lin, ultra chio. >>

8-10-03

choking hazard, do not ingest.

art is over! yay...

(aaron fell asleep half post. do not blame him, he wrote this at 3 am and only slept 5 hours last night) >>

6-10-03

the greatest of artists never learnt how to draw.

ok, should i continue to do my art or blog? and should i just blog or should i start transferring my stuff onto upsaid?

ok obviously i chose to blog. but i dont think ill start transferring today. im actually doing my art! 2 more sheets out today and 2 sheets out tomorrow and i am done. hopefully i keep up the momentum. as you can see, i already have taken an unnecessary break to blog. but i havent been blogging for 2 days, and im suffering some sort of blog withdrawal symptoms.

anyway, good to hear from old classmates. just nice to know that im still a kid, a rafflesian, and a friend to many. never really liked the term tj-cian. its just so... abbreviated. oh well. once a rafflesian, always a rafflesian, unless you go to acjc, i think.

oh well. photoshop. yep, just felt like that word.

i miss... her. as always, of course. >>

4-10-03

now to pick up the pieces.

oh well. didnt get to blog yesterday, too tired after chem. it was a killer paper, or maybe the whole school didnt study hard enough. i think the chem teachers are trying to cover their inadequacies at bringing important points across so they resort to super difficult papers so we rush them with our free time and learn more. oh well. i do believe i saw my chances at an s paper go up in smoke. anyway.

gp was easier, and quite easy if you consider the fact that i didnt study. or practice. but its always like that,

the paper seems easy, and then they mark you down for not having the same points in your script as their "answer scheme". very moe. also another way to cover the general shittiness and slackness of the tjc gp dept. its famous already, considering we could have beat vj and gotten to fourth place if our gp just managed to do average. anyway.

ok, physics and art left, and as all my classmates are saying, for me its only art. so im trying to get down to drawing, but its really difficult. i need to get outside with my trusty camera for a while and look like a dork photographing handrails, and that really isnt anywhere close to appealing. i'd rather be bumming at home, but i cant afford to slack for art anymore.

life's fine really, other than the fact that there's no one online to talk to. im going to log off now, and a record low of 8:25 pm, and im not probably going to come back online. come to think of it, i dont think i even saw jingfen online yesterday, and she's usually online regular as clockwork every friday. or was i hallucinating? i am not sure i was online last night. ok i was, i remember now.

but she wasnt. jingfen, i mean. and her, too, of course.

on a WHOLE separate note, im going to start shifting my archives to a new location, upsaid.com. its much better there. and you can still link to ehque.says.it, no matter. =) >>

2-10-03

darkness looms large in the horizon... fear the worst...

maths was ok. not really great, but ok enough to pass. luckily for that last minute session with val, or not i will sure fail. haha. dun worry so much about it, there are more to come, ok? anyway, hope my class does well at this thing. i dun wanna see last 5 classes on any of the subjects. tho hannee may push us there cos of art, but that really isnt the point.

i should go back to ri soon, i need to get my O level cert, and take a look at that clarinova chaing was saying she wanted to sell. hope its still there. i loved it, and spent many a reflective moment plinking out pieces on that machine for sengie's movies. wonder how he's doing now in rj. last time i saw him, a whole bunch of girls were hanging around him. not that im jealous, of course. just weird cos ri is not rj. yup.

gp and chem tomolo. as i reflect on the whole year, i realise i havent learnt much new for chem. or is it that there was a lot to learn but i havent learned it? i can do many of the tutorial questions ok. so i guess i really was that much ahead. anyway. gp will try to eat me, but i will have the upper hand. tj gp dept sucks anyway. haha.

i think i avoided shuqin excessively today. i think the scars still hurt, i should try to be sociable at a normal level. anyway, especially since she was one of the 'crazy idiots' who came my house to do pw and basically mug. really appreciated that, even tho i didnt say out loud. now i say... thanks.

jia you guys, jia you girls, jia you me. what are you doing here? go and mug, you fools... >>

1-10-03

and sliced bread was the best thing since...?

oh dear. it happened again. usually i dont usually blog in the morning, but i absolutely must document this before math formulas squish it out of my head. brushing my teeth has already taken its toll and im not going to let anything else have any chances.

considering the frequency i see her, and the general timeframe which i havent at all, i find the frequency of her turning up in my dreams rather startling. its not normal, is it. oh well, thats unless i have a crush on her, right?

yep, i dreamt of her again.

its not one of those dreams. you know what i mean.

but really. this dream is absolutely weird. looks like a bit into the future, architecture of the (boxing ring? playground? coffee bean? hang out?) hang out is considerably futuristic. but the time is more... just after the o level results. its iffy. she actually got a 11 A1s for prelims and 8 A1s 3 A2s for o levels. in my dream, she ends up in tj cos she got 8 A1s and 3 A2s for prelims, but screwed up her Os. yun foong also ends up in tj, "screwing up" his Os, when he actually got 8 points and is now in nj.

i remember riding this bus of sorts. to rgs (of all places). and like there's this gang of ppl, my friends, going there for different reasons. remember talking about the Os, and me laughing at yunfoong for screwing it up. he got particularly pissed, completely unlike his real person. there's a general air of fun along with disappointment cos everyone screwed up. but everyone ends up in tj. great. something like that.

i remember this scene from inside dream-rg where she's tying her shoelaces, in her rg (you know, that black singlet with running pants) running gear, and she's behind this chest-high wall (grandstand wall?), am im leaning on it, on the opposite side, and i was this close *holds up hands a foot apart* yup. looking cool. yup. right behind her there's this real life tj girl, i know her, cant remember who, runner also. i wave.

dream-rg, apart from looking completely like a government primary school, looks fundamentally accurate. one weird thing is how ive been to rg on several occasions and on real life hindsight find that my dream-rg is completely unlike it. anyway, dreams arent great architects or engineers. at least the uniforms are accurate. i remember there's this big generator like thing with the big clown looking like switch, which of course means that the smart (or not-so-smart) prankster could shut down the school...

anyway, im in rg for a different reason. some video (competition? screening?) screening. going to rg to set up equipment to watch a video with (no one?) people in the darkness seems extraordinarily lame.

i remember after the video (which i dont even recall) i spot her across the school block. obviously i try to make my way over, right? but somehow the architecture of the school is screwed (it feels like rj, with it's half-storey-stairs and whatnotelse) i'm trapped half a storey apart, and there are no half-storey-stairs. great. like you know, wrong coloured bishops that cant meet.

another scene in the dream is that hang out. seems like my dream-jc life is much slacker than real life jc, and so we're just bumming at this hangout. i swear there was coffee, i swear there was this macdonald's style playground for kids. and there's this BIG open area. and i swear there was my brother. i should know, i was sort of fighting him or something. oh well.

i dream too much, i think.

i admit it. i am lovesick. over someone with which it is improbable, if not impossible, to meet, see, or interact with in any way now. i am just so messed up. and i dont think its going to get any better.

also, its not helping that i am so close to the promos and still having huge blogs everyday. as daryl says, im going to need to study soon. going to study is a big step, actually getting anything in is a big leap for my kind. ive really been blogging all day. havent touched my art, havent touched my maths, and havent really touched any games or the tv. just news, and blog. whats wrong with me...

quite a bit actually. i havent been out of the house much these few days and its really getting to me. thank God for a tomolo, at least i get to go out, even tho its for a maths exam.

774 words. amazing. i think its a record. on a separate note, i think i broke the 20,000 word barrier quite a few blogs or so ago. kudos to me. >>

29-9-03

basic, please do a /topic #cservice

oh well. as usual, im the last one standing. haha. fine then. i finished 2 (wow!) drawings today. im so finished. anyway, blogs up and down, up and down, dunno why too. gonna shoot brinkster soon. anyway feeling better, still sick. not physically, but mentally? socially, really. oh well, the story of a loser. still havent touched maths. shuzhen (blog debut!) says maths is the first paper, must work at it now. she's right. oh well, tomolo then. >>

28-9-03

I is the ninth letter of the alphabet.

one drawing? one miserable drawing? yep. and only because cheryl said so. i have 3 more planned out, but dun really feel like doing anymore, cos tomolo is a study break day and all that. i'll need to finish off 6 pics a day for the next 3 days to be safe, and thats all while mugging for maths, which i hopefully will do. hopefully again i will be able to keep my hands off the computer until after 10, so i have the good whole day to do my stuff. its not only the computer games, i also want to blog/chat/bum. just help me stay away.

so again certain ppl are not online. one certain person, actually. ok you did tell me you wouldnt, but im hoping. in vain, now i see. i also dun mind if others were online... the online world is so desolate and lonely now...

anyway which reminds me how honlyn popped online and online twice in my msn life already. she hasnt replied to a message i sent ever since. ok fine, conceded, she's mugging for promos, and im a slacker. but, i still miss her like a xiao fux, as we used to call it. wish her the best, and i hope i muster enough guts to message her some time later. i wonder. she obviously doesnt see me the same way i see her, right? i hope so, but i think not. oh well, the story of my life.

anyway recoded the page, to archive the 2002 blogs. some ppl complain, cos it takes 1 min to load on a dialup modem. oh well. my webbie's design goes against the title, but i was never one for accurate descriptions =) >>

27-9-03

ok, i'll be getting back to my work now...

bummed all day. got a good rest tho. from what? i dunno. a good rest from rest sounds inappropriate, but i can rest from something i havent been doing right? and all ive been doing is resting. so ive been resting from resting from resting. i better go and do some real work before some real pain comes my way. touched art a bit today, but havent really taken out my pencils. just touched it. got a few pictures here and there. the per-day quota is increasing each day i dun do my work. i dun have much time. time is precious, i dont have too much of it.

thats great, cos the agony is abbreviated.

on a more personal note, i am slightly offended some people are not online today. i know, i know, its the exam period, but cant you just come on to make me happy? you promised... next time tag me if you have to go, then at least i know you waited for me... >>

26-9-03

why? why?

(hi all, aaron's depressed about something that happened last night... so i guessed i gotta do this blog... hrm... where do i start? an introduction? im nora,  the dumpsite for aaron's  negative energy, so that he himself can remain positive and focused. haha. im his confidant, and his chatting buddy in his head. when you see him stone or switch off, yep, thats me he's talking to.)

hey all. didn't really feel like blogging today, but a promise is a promise... gotta keep the ppl coming. im supposed to be studying, and was supposed to be studying the whole day, but obviously that didn't come true... im now super far back on maths, and i still havent touched my art. im going to do at least 2 drawings today, so i have some stuff, but its not enough. and i may not even get down to doing those 2.

yes. i was right. i didnt even do any art today, and only did one vector question! shocking. im so going to die. people are already calling me a ponner. i ponned what... 3 times this week? and not going to school 3 times next week too? die lah, die lah. hopefully i can still take my s papers. but come to think of it, i dun really want to anymore. isnt it important? isnt my life important too?

im suicidal. im STILL not doing my work...

anyway, some little changes made to the site, some ppl linked, counter added, scroll bar changed black. other nitty gritty stuff... >>

25-9-03

oh, ok. whateva.

weird dream last night. musta been the fact that i saw honlyn's picture in some singaporean propaganda book that she was in. i sorta miss her... and others. i dun really remember who, but yazid was certainly there, there was some runner (the bad guy) and some of the class, not too many tho. i remember panai (argh) and dong hao too, with panai teaching (of all things) chinese to (of all people) yazid and a bunch of other ppl. so basically the idea is that we're all chasing this runner guy and looking for honlyn(? maybe not sure) as well. but this runner guy is like shooting up people and blowing up things. scenes i remember very clearly are running away from the runner, thinking [oh crap theres no place to hide],  and getting shot. chasing someone up stairs a hill. barging into a chinese class, in a school on that hill for recruitments to chase that someone (honlyn?). moving amongst some shops, and this large generator next to me. telling these old couple to stay down as a car explodes.  telling 2 people to run (actually, to drive away) as i attracted the gunner's attention (resulting in the first scene).

oh well. weird dream.

today... supposed to study... in the end didnt get much done. dunno why also... got a bit of a headache today. more thinking about hon, and nora, and all sorts of little nonsense in no way related to the promos. i am SO finished? yup and i havent started on my art. or my math, really. i found that the sine cosine cosine sine thing sticks in my head but i dunno how to apply it. how come they cant keep integration separate from trigo and trigo separate from binomial theorem? maths teachers seem to gain this satisfaction from how many topics they can squeeze into a question. anyway, screw to physics and chem, i swear not to touch them anymore.

life... sucks. as in, how come everyone is so... likeable and i have to try so hard just not to be disliked? i feel like almost everyone is embarrassed at having known me, or even watching me closely to  amuse themselves. or is it my inferiority complex? or worse, schizophrenia? ah hah ha. oh well. >>

23-9-03

so the story IS true...

haha. so i didnt go to school today, contrary to my blog and possibly popular belief... just felt that i needed a rest from physics to do my maths... obviously little was done... was playing a bit and also too a nap but at least i managed to do my integration and some organic chem... argh promos is one day nearer...

nora's unhappy... she didn't get out much today cos there was less stress and pain today... at least i have some time to myself. it was fun... maybe i'll do it on thursday? maybe. should i heck with the system and wear my polo tee tomorrow again? haha... just dun feel like wearing the green shirt... you know, forbidden fruit tastes sweetest. wonder why the principal didnt allow it. ANYWAY.

nothing much to blog today cos didn't go to school. just wanna say that combat shield in cs v1.6 is the cheese... rather lame. go check it out when promos are over...

one more thing... i feel like changing my whole blog into a tag board so i just have to tag on my blogs... means i can blog from anywhere and also that ppl's comments on my day will be right at the same place as my blog... that will be rather cool wont it? maybe. just dun want someone to impersonate me and type crap, or let yazid and val spam my site... haha. will consider coding that. (after promos, after promos) yes nora. after promos. >>

22-9-03

oh well... today spend a great deal of time inside this rustic place for making pottery... painting my design onto those wretched tiles i told you about earlier... sometimes i wonder how art manages to pounce on you like that and eat your time when it is especially precious to you. im pissed with it. but there are interesting stories and even some bitching... quite amusing actually to see what goes behind the scene in the teaching landscape...

anyway today turned up in school in the wrong dress code (*wink*) didnt hear the announcement that the polo tee can only be worn after 1140 or after pe. thats quite sad right? they should have just pushed it all the way but i think the principal doesnt want to offend too much of the alumni. the polo tee is really so much nicer than the puke-green shirt and we should really just heck with the green shirt except on wednesdays sia. damnit now cant tell everyone we got a nicer uniform (sa still beats us hands down tho, polo tee or not) but at least we get to wear it SOME of the days...

biggmama today was damn nice. wouldve been nicer if she read our message... anyway at least she knows that mondays and thursdays are our biggmama days... the food is lovely and she treats us like super loyal customers... maybe its a marketing strategy, but it really works and it really rules. got free honey baked sausage as compensation for the late food today, and it was yum yum. anyway shall not kill myself by talking about that now when there's no food within a mile's radius of me.

i really really think im going to fail maths. and art. i dun really want to, cos i want to take s papers for physics and chem, and i dont think i can fail and take s papers. i think taking s papers and art is already a killer combi, dun think any of the year twos take s papers. maybe not any. will ask around if it pops into my head again.

im pished (pished is not a word)... art is soooo draining on the eyes and mind... just me and nora (in case you think girlfren! girlfren! again, she's my alter ego)  talking inside... quite... tiring. going to sleep now... there's school tomolo. >>

21-9-03

well a tag board is up thanks to tag-board.com... tag me!

anyway... for the programming competition we got 3rd... so i got a prize package worth 500 bucks (windows xp, mcafee and $200 voucher)... very happy for 2 days work... im thinking of working hard at it and joining next year... anyway i opened the mcafee box already but im thinking of selling off the windows xp cos i dun really need it... my current installation is working fine. anyway thats later. thinking of getting computer peripherals with the voucher, but this voucher doesnt say a hoot about what the store sells, so i guess i gotta wait... >>

19-9-03

im lagging today... probably cos there's no caffeine in the system to grease those synapses... its easier to blog with such a simple webbie layout... maybe i'll even stop hard coding this stuff and (horrors) start an account on diaryland or something...

anyway... today rather rocked... the guys are exhibiting more and more of their pack tendencies, moving in herds when coming to things like ponning chinese and studying physics and playing football... and im like doing all those things with them... yeah... maybe except the studying physics part. i wonder... (this is not meant to boast k, its just weird) how come i can not study physics, sleep during lectures, not do tutorials and still do so... respectably? is it because im THAT far ahead? i dont think so... or is it just that i understand? argh i dunno.

anyway today i ran a grand total of 4.7 km... did 2 pe lessons in a day (one normal, one makeup for ponning, i think) legs hurt... im not exactly a runner, not exactly a jogger. just dont see the point of displacement-zero activities... at least there's work done involved in  chin-ups...

ok tomolo there's a programming competition which me youquan and mingh are taking part in... i seriously have no confidence... but with everyone mugging for the promos, we may stand a chance to clinch top spot... lets just hope and keep it at that.

i hate missing guitar!!! but no choice... this could mean honour, glory, pearls points... haha  >>

18-9-03

hi all, its me again... if you can read this... welcome back after a shitload of waiting... i decided to come back here even during the study period cos i went to abin's webbie a few hours back and my webbie is listed there as dead (not updated since june or completely down) haha since that past few hours things have changed quite a bit... haha... thanks to alvin for the site design... its mostly poached off from there... dont want anything big or wonderous or so fantastically extravagant that it takes years to load... anyway, its late... going to sleep now... be back tomolo. i promise...  >>

24-8-03

bleargh... not fun. life is argh. at least today there was church a bit of a comfort there but i was like so sleepy after sleeping at 130 last night... now need to rush pw intro to send to yeeteng. man. church was absolutely messy i was feeling so... cherylite. sorry cheryl, hanging around you right. yupz, i dunno why also. school's like a... jail sentence. i spend so much time there, doing things i dont really like and... argh. whateva... cleaning up webbie too, so many broken links... crap. im tired. of everything. life possibly. except for music? like my whole life is waiting for jingfen to reply or something? maybe. the sad, sad story of my life... do you know i end school at 630 everyday?... and my mom just got injured and got the week off... things just piling up man, just piling up... >>

20-08-03

hey all, sorry for the large gap in entry dates now... seriously busy and feeling super out of sorts such that cant even bother to chat sometimes... bleah... and guitar and art and argh. not good... feeling all achy physically after napfa and feeling all achy mentally after this week... like a sponge sitting on my head sapping all my energy. the funniest thing that happened all this while was the "do you have a girlfren" thing in church... apparently cheryl interpreted this blog as saying that i have a girlfren. i assume its val she's talking about, but no, i dont have a girlfren (yet) (if ever). sigh. stupid stupid stupid. ergh.

anyway, in the ever increasing rush to complete PW, please help me complete this survey. www.advancedsurvey.com survey number 7005. and spread it to all your frens. thanks guys. >>

22-07-03

sigh. ok. yes i know its been a  while and the pause wasnt becus of the exams. anyway if you wanna know i did pretty ok, 71 (B) for phyz (first time ive gotten B for phyz in a long... long.. time) 61 (D) for math 48 for chem fail for art 51 for GP 51 so far for chinese. anyway.

feeling down lah. and even after the tests, and syf, and getting into the physics olympiad... i still feel theres something unfulfilled in my life. something... missing. i hate this feeling, and i think it has something to do with the feeling that shuqin IS avoiding me. i dunno. if you read this, and thats not the truth, and its all in my head, message me.

anyway. guitar got gold. a bit happy. not for myself, but for all the ppl who put in hard work for it. i still dun feel i have done my job. shit. time's up. will update soon, now 1130 my dad's stupid rule says i have to sleep now, depriving me of any sort of nightlife. shit. >>

02-07-03

blah. exam exam exam gp was hard(er than expected) and math today was a killer simply because i didnt study. physics was well... physics so it was less of a problem there. anyway left chem chin and art i hope chem tomolo is going to be easy i havent studied. sigh. i need to get rid of this no study thing. its been ruining my life since pri sch and i havent gotten rid of it yet. i am sure if i go to U like that i will fail and fail and fail and fail... if i go to U in the first place, which might not be a possibility considering i DONT STUDY! argh. anyway. today classmates start to ask about me and val's perceived waning relationship. i dunno. is it that... obvious? i dont think its gonna FLARE back up or something i dunno if she's content on leaving it as that. i am... fine both ways, prefer one but shall not state it here. anyway, feeling stupid now going to take some dumb pictures of my bike and going to sleep. >>

28-6-03

art sucks... argh... my head hurts... gonna sleep soon so this is not going to be a very long blog... sigh ive been going back to school every day for the past 3 days to try and finish my art developments for the mock exam today. apparently mrs neo didnt even pass a single one of us, such was the situation today. so we all failed. yay. sucks right. my head hurts.

went to crash my air rifle juniors camp a few days back... and study physics with qishan. amazing how little he has changed (not like its been super long, just that the circumstances have changed drastically). and even qishan, the ever slacker and non associate, has a love interest who, imho, is one nice person. havent seen pic tho. haha. i know im not supposed to talk about it qishan but im sure very few ppl read this blog, and know you, and care enough to tell others about it.  anyway i write because it matters. so yah. he has... mellowed? or has he always been like that, just not so obvious becus of the lack of gals in ri? i dunno.

i finally got on a chatting -thing- with shuqin. so happpy. dunno why, but very happy. took a while finally i found where the class hangs out in cyberspace... thanks to her too, so yah.

argh. head hurts. going to sleep now. >>

24-6-03

miss heng asked us about how we're living life now there's no geps and we're surrounded by non-geppers. and also how they're different, and how gep has helped us. here was my reply:

"i suppose the geppers in rj have NOTHING to say, cos its FULL of GEPPERS over there even if theyre not RI GEPPERS. ok. im jealous. im a loser...

"anyway, roger i have a friend over here who claims you havent changed since primary school. remember someone called wan shan? went temasek sec? she says you used to irritate the classmates sitting around you, so daryl you should look for the "roger-afflicted club" when youre free =P

"living without geppers. i cant comment. because for that OTHER gepper in my class who keeps beating me at physics tests. anyway. non geppers are... more realistic. not as philosophical, and not as occupied with the unseen (world events, spiritual stuff) as geppers.

"non geppers are your friends more becus you are a friend, and not becus they can get something out of you. im not saying geppers do that, got great friends in 4L and other gep classes but nongeppers are less prone to doing so.

"geppers can never be punks. or as punk as non geppers are. this one is personal opinion. geppers are smarter. this one i only can say so much. dunman non-geps are also super smart. the guys/gals from the lousier neighborhood schools (i mean lousier neighborhood schools and not that neighborhood schools are lousier than dunman or ri) are very very hard working. i feel like im back in primary school in terms of how ppl regard me as the smart one. anyway. i study less than non-geps. i think. its hard to study less than me, who doesnt study.

"personally, im ok. just been made a section leader or "chief instructor" of the tjc guitar club. wanted to be prez but it didnt work out. anyway. so a bit more busy. art is a bit difficult to handle its a lot of work and it IS a completely new subject after all. im struggling to pass, without having to beg. phys is ok, chem is funny, cos i top the class. so its a bit dumb. if you had told me my chem would turn out like that while i was still under ong i'd laugh my pants off. the common test may prove im not top after all, tho. i havent studied. my

math, sucks.

"the distance by car from my house to tjc is 29.605 km. by mrt it takes one and a half hours to get there, so i wake up at 5 on the dot and leave home at 545 to get to school on time. im used to it now, so i leave home at 545 and wake up at 7 when my mrt reaches bedok. so i get 1-2 hours more sleep.

"GE hasnt done anything for me, except to put up with my nonsense and challenge me to work a little bit. if i wasnt in gep i dont think i would study at all for the Os. not that i really did lah, but thats besides the point." >>

19-6-03

sigh. its been a while. sorry to all the loyal people who have been logging in day after day just to find this page the same as it was, day after day. things have happened, of course. many things. some more important than others. some are more interesting, some are painful. to those things and people who have changed me in one way or another, here is their story.

i feel drained. every holiday, it happens again. i miss classes. i missed art today and philosophy concurrently. amazing. and i spend hours and hours in front of the computer. i just want to give it up. but i cant. its like my mind says no, but my heart is forcing me to the point of self-destruction. i have no life. sort of anyway.

camps were bad. i feel that i did not contribute at all to the youth camp, and i feel that the guitar camp was my downfall (more about that later) tired. still recuperating from last night's guitar comm handover dinner too. first time ive seen such a large bill (474 bucks!) and the food was good. anyway. esplanade is like dead after 11 and we (year 1s) were too young to go pubbing, which was really the only place to hang out at that time... so we got coffee and bummed at city hall. tired. tired. and then after i came back i played com until 2. i just cant believe myself.

anyway im CI. thats sort of like a section leader in guitar. frankly, im disappointed,  because i wanted to be prez. i keep telling myself this is for the good of the guitar club as a whole, since not enough people know how to play well enough to teach. granted, i may be an excellent guitarist but i cant teach. no one seems to have grasped the weight of the situation. anyway i said no hard feelings to ryan (the prez) when he told me he was running (he wasnt going to run earlier) so i shall try to work with the comm to the best of my ability and not try to scuttle my own ship. guitar has a bright future but we must all work together to see it through or it'll become a "red cross", a pdp people join simply becos they dont have one.

guitar holds other promises. all the guitar ppl are from this certain type of class... the not-so-sporty, biochem classes are well represented and almost no sports ppl are in guitar. which is good. i cant stand the tjc sports ppl. anyway since like everyone knows everyone now it sort of... well... is like one big family, you know what i mean.

one pet peeve? i dont have guitar room keys. so no aircon room to chill out and slack. which is why im pushing for the opening of the students' lounge earlier... the econs free periods are too precious to spend pigging out in the canteen.

im sort of like im at a crossroads. certain people want me to beat the red light and chiong on, i personally wanna take a roundabout and avoid it all together. im not like ben. i leave it on its own and hope it all works out. its not my type who address these things, i tell myself. but its still there. i need her, so how will this all turn out? i personally dont know what to do. i dont even know what she wants in this relationship. come to think of it, i dont even know what i want. urgh. difficulties.

i love my camera. some people hate it. haha. >>

8-5-3

philosophy is quite cool. but the whole of today, i was like... zombified. even with her next to me i felt... like just rolling over and dying. i dunno. maybe it was because i slept only 4 hours last night. going to sleep now... sianz. 930 and she's still at her meeting? man... >>

2-5-3

screw my dad. like wtf. like my mom calls me on my handphone thru march because "she doesn't see me". obviously just to check up on me lah. then my dad come and bitch about my 100+ dollar bills. like you dont call me i'll have no problems lah. stay out of my life and you'll cost yourself nothing...

maths sucks. i hate maths and maths hates me. sounds familiar? val said it of econs. i missed like 2 lectures on double angle formulae and now i cant understand a shit. probably have to go back and revise it from scratch.

val's cool. as in like, we're there. almost. like very easy with each other. there's so much scope for moving on to become, wait, we ARE best of best pals. as in from my side anyway. i dont want to push further. something is not right, see? i dunno i sense something bad is going to happen. like the sound of someone drawing out a sword behind you, very very slowly. this long schhiinnng sound. i sense i'm going to get backstabbed soon. possibly by next week. well i'll just see how the council turns out yah. hmmm i'm gonna try to make myself even more in tune with the council than i already am, hopefully i dont look like i'm in the power struggle too. anyway council camp is on val wont be going for guitar tomolo AGAIN... as i said she's coming late, leaving early or not coming at all...

i wanna watch matrix with her. but i dunno if our current state of relations can last until the 16th of may, and i dont want to be running around with a pair of matrix opening day ticks with no one to go with me. if that was the case i'd rather not go. as in rather not go alone. i dunno... am i being pessimistic?

anyway if caffeine gives such a kick, who needs heroin? if you are a coffee drinker, you havent lived till youve drunk the coffeebean's double-shot-TheUltimate. like its so chuck full of wholesome caffeine goodness that you cant sleep for hours. perfect for those mugging/cs/chatting nights... >>

1-5-3

may day wasn't exactly the disaster mayday denotes. woke up damn late rushed down to somerset and was 40 minutes late for project work. luckily they had to eat and i didn't (well, almost didn't). well obviously if the meeting was in orchard and 2 groups came out to do project work together something was fishy... but i didn't catch it at first. after like about one to one and a half hours of work we all packed up and headed to cineleisure orchard, where at 245pm the seats were conveniently sold out till 415. so we walked over to plazasing and AMAZINGLY, at 300pm the seats were sold out till 6. x-men 2 opening day what. luckily with whateva little business acumen i had i managed to squeeze enough uncollected reserved tickets out of the counter lady and we managed to get good seats for the 345 show.

i think shuqin is the cutest girl in our class. dont tell her i said that. i find short skinny dunman girls really cute. as in my shoulder short. like 150+. dunno why. there's something about dunman short ppl. and that includes siying. of course your not supposed to tell her that too... my head will roll. anyway talking about shuqin right... she's like... cute. yup. >>

27-4-03

anyway today was ok. normal really other than i met 4lians for lunch. yahz. and i met robin xie on the train lah... dunno how he end up there any way. dunno lahz. he probably still lives in bukit batok and everything. well miss the good old days. sigh. now rather bored. >>

26-4-3

its today. yes its today. busy whole day, but everything pales in comparison to today... why because someone, that someone who makes today TODAY was online, against all odds... ok lets talk about the normal stuff... i finished my art, in my not so humble opinion i think it looks great. anyway guitar was ok but i didn't know the song very well. missed val again, as usual. went to church to practice. that was standard. but once i reached home and powered on the icq...

she was there. i sort of expected it yet i could not believe my luck. formalities soon were thrown aside. i was uneasy, yet happy. very happy. first thing she tells me she has no interest in bgr things... which sort of levels the playing field. then we talk about other things. luckily i keep myself up to date about hockey stuff thru yaz. i hint at my interest in her and it is subtly pushed aside. but we had a good chat. and what with ben backing me up in the background. yes i feel... liberated. today rocks. >>

24-4-03

2 more days sia. 2 more days. i still dunno what to do. damn. art no time to do the pb thing also quite lame and wha lau. raihon? wtf. romours issit? heartbreak sia. anyway guitar club ryan step out of competition for guitar prez my status is currently unchallenged... i wanna be guitar prezzie... but val not being in the exco really takes some of the kick out of it sia. anyway today rather sian sian except for art lahz... weather so damn hot, sleepy even in chiew's class sia... pangs class ultra knock out sia. anyway like the new matrix skin?

art rox sia. i take picture of my charcoal thing you can come and see sia. soon this page will have lahz. charcoal rox lahz. like smudge smudge here smudge smudge there got a picture liao lah. and its so fast sommore. hahahaha. maybe i should specialise in charcoal. i actually wanted to do acrylic, but i dunno. never even try acrylic.  >>

19-4-03

"hi my name is aaron quek and i have 340 days a year. that is because i live in cck and study in tjc. poor me, could you put me out of my misery and lend me your room?" feel quite depressed today from the 3 hours i wasted away as usual. luckily val and ps were there for me or not i would have collapsed again... today went on a class outing... as usual turnout is about half. it was ok, with guys playing soccer and gals chatting around and a movie after that. johnny english is superb. but whateva. wanna go and sleep now because i havent been getting enough sleep. art still sucks, its like super tough. but i'm improving. gotta work at it. >>

14-4-03

what can i say. art is mad. its really tiring... man... now i know why ben told me not to. and its like only been my second lesson... bleagh. but every time i go for art there's that damn chio year 2 there whose name i still do not know and im like whoa... and i feel better about taking art already. even if she's already attached. which she is. what the heck. anyway i dunno lah. i thot today was going so well until i found out that my new crush of sorts is attached. as in, its damn shit lah, watching her walk away with a guy i don't know... she said she was waiting for a friend and i asked her "boyfriend, ah?" and she said yes lah, like wth... >>

02-04-03

muahahaha... muahahaha... i just got my com up and running again! sorry all faithful ppl who read, i know there's a whole bunch now... like i get 13 hits a day... rox...

well, this month has been a blast, what with the 3 bbqs in a row, what with the 2 holidays in a row. its been great. got posted back to tj, so really happy haha. but i'm still waiting for the reality of the distance sink into my head. it hasn't yet. i'm still thinking i can leave home at 725 and still make it in school on time. i cant now... pissed pissed pissed. anyway... 3 bbqs right, first one i learn how to build a good fire from tat wee, second one i not bad already, third one i was almost official fire-starter liao. haha. got new skill, increased employability... hahaha... talking about employability, my subject combi is math art phys chem... so happy, got kicked out from the old class. i think its not that great. as in the class is, not me being kicked out... then yaz is in my class... damn rox. woo hoo!!! i cant believe yaz is in my class...

orientation was somewhat cut in half by the sars shit... so sad... just earned the reputation as someone who is MAD over mass dance... as in like one of the few non-sub-comm ppl who know the steps as well as them... or even better (evil grin). umm... whoever said i was MAD over mass dance i didn't mean that i danced madly, like peiqi (got reputation liao... she really the kind hair flying all over the place one) haha... yah i think second day i danced with puisze couple dance, for the first time it was perfect. always screw up my couple dance... got so many limbs to work out... second day dance with weiwen, she the type bochap about mass dance during ohana1, so dunno how to dance everything, but i was shouting directions to her all the while, and ppl still say we were pro, so i'm not complaining. damn i'm yellow i was like right next to pq and didn't ask her to dance with me. so sad.

bleah sars sucks you know. and today ps is still overseas, i sian sian one no one to talk to... and i just found out that val is a CHAMP. what the hell... as in i didn't know. and now she wants to become sc prez... don't want to join the guitar comm liao. so sad right? still wanted her to be vice-chair if i was the chair sommore, considering ps wanted secretary. i swear she'll get it. as for presidency, ryan and hanling will probably want it as well, so i think i may become a section leader only. i dun wanna be a vice unless the prez's a girl. yeah yeah... i know what youre thinking... i know what i'm thinking too.

anyway, my com is really shitted now i cant seem to get the new graphics card working... really pissed. if i fit it in, and it works, my computer will rival that of all others. it would be the MOAC. ok thats over exaggerating, but you get the point. >>

02-03-03

muahahaha. 8 points. rox. anyway... dunno now where to go. id rather have gotten 11 points or seven points then can go tj or rj respectively. now i got 8 cannot go rj but can go like nj so my dad doesn't want me to go tj. says its too far. so i dunno. anyway he is overseas so i have final say. haha. muahahaha. anyway. really like tj, but going to put rj sci as first choice just see if i can get in. i dont think so. 8 points with 3 bonus. dont think so.

what with ben eoon getting 10A1s and all that. i'm suprised. must be a mugger at home. dont exactly look like a mugger in school to me. siao man. and everyone in church did very well. i think. hey cheryl i dont think you really did as bad as you make it out to be. anyway. happy for minxian esp ok? and i kana beaten by denis the victorian and cailin the cedar girl already. both got one 6 come out. so amazing. actually only amazing for cailin. dint know she was so smart. and honlyn sounded so depressed over the phone... she got 3 a2s... i mean like, its still 6 points man, what tokking you? but rgs ppl have weird expectations of themselves, so.

anyway im so stupid. dunno how im gonna get myself out of this mess i made. should never have gotten involved in the first place lah. try to be the nice guy and all. now pulling out will hurt someone. and not even sure its the other party. oh shit. should have beneoon'ed when i had the chance.

bleagh.

guitar club rox. anyway. really. but now, if i stay in tj, no chance of joining badminton (i finally learned it was a d in the bad instead of a t in the bat). as in, it clashes with guitar and peiqi is inside and denis will talk and she'll get all funny ideas and i cant make it in anyway. so hell with it. recbat is better than combat. haha.

got mortal fluffy toy. mortal is happy. mortal forces angel to write to me. haha. rox. anyway i sense tomorrow will be fun, or maybe not if everyone pons lah. i haven't been in school for the past 2 days already. ponned to do stuff related to paragraph 3. oh hell. dunno why i did that. stupid stupid stupid.

going to change my website to a matrix skin. as in in lieu of matrix reloaded coming up in may. woo hoo. >>

16-02-03

haha today church ppl celebrated my birthday and joyce and yh and all the other feb kids' birthdays... i got this really cute stuffed toy from willa and jia an, so nice. today went mel's house to hang out. finally yunfoong comes over again. so we'd had fun, finally managed to catch up with the class and all that. and cuddle up with mela and the works. brings me back to the good old days with her man. cant get her out of my head. finally got her hp number, then suddenly have nothing to say to her. dang. today i wore around joyce's pink scrungie for the whole morning. hilarious. april was like going, please take it off, please take it off. i felt so, girl. so Jo N. like he's the guy whos a swimmer and everything but wants to be called joanne and has a rubber duckie hooked to his bag and stuff. i felt like i was him. oh btw, i wore it on my hand (where else).

anyway, it was fun lah.

batminton rocks. this week played 2ice, on thursday and sat again. tuesday was the first leg of the gamma intra-house badminton, our class won1 lost2, i won1 lost2. pengli is a killer. i remember shouting "sha shou" in chinese every time he hit the shuttle. but we were not up to standard. some opponents were dat team ppl so we sort of had a hard time. but i remember out-dropping this pro and i was like elated inside, but my face was expressionless. we went on to win that one. and i'm improving my smashes and drops. dont think i'll have as much a problem next tuesday. smashes finally go straight instead of slightly upwards. dropshots fall like rocks.

 val day was a drag. guitaring really drained me out. didn't know you could get drained playing guitar, but after 6 hours of playing straight your legs ache and you get sick of "more than words", no matter how nice it sounded when si ying sang it on stage like an angel. best announcement i've heard in a long, long time. ex-choir what, what you expect, but she's really, really good. there were people who wanted to dedicate for HER and tat wee to do the singing, they were considering doing special ones for 5 bucks. haha. but really. dateless as usual, went home. peiqi looked super chio. denim was the word of the day. after assembly, didn't see her anymore. val made val day fun by, well, being val, cos everyone went, happy val day val. and the works. got this cute rubber frog from peisze and other nonsense stuff from other nonsense ppl.

shucks. haven't managed to get a stuffed toy for mingjie yet. it was the next thing i considered sending. oh well, guess she got to wait. now she even has my name. i'm not a very elusive angel to find, sadly.

not going to school tomolo, going to see a doc for my foot infection which seems to be going out of control. anyway, classmates wont get to dunk me or anything. haha. >>

01-02-03

lovely date. check it out. chinese new year some more.

badminton rocks. just played with at least half of my class on thursday. hope it becomes a regular thing. i love badminton. especially since yeeting and cailin are on about it, i thot wth. apparently i still got that touch. still not that fast and my backhand SUCKS, but i got some nasty tricks up my sleeve. charlene hates them. i love them. i dunno why, but apparently badminton means enough to toi goon to make her come down even tho she's sick, means enough to cailin to make her come down when she has a knee injury... i never saw ppl like this before. dont see it in ri for sure.

coincidences abound in tjc, which is more closely linked to the rafflesian world i am so familiar with in more ways than one... the mortal whom i'm supposed to play angel to, happens to be - surprise surprise - mingjing's older sis. i am literally, shocked at the coincidence... then a girl who i am declining to name comes up to me and says "youre aaron right". i am doubly shocked. one because she's a good friend of that chio girl whom ive been watching for weeks, and the other is that i have absolutely no idea where this girl has met me before... to story is that apparently i was chatting to wenkien about his gf who happens to be in tj (wk forgot that i was in tj). better still, he told her that i was in tj. better still, she knows valerie from guitar club. so thru this, she managed to weed me out of the crowd. so funky.

i was trying to leave tjc early on cny's eve, to go back and visit ri. a sc was guarding the gate... i was humji... dun dare to crash. anyway pop appears wk's gf and she takes me to see the sc who happens to be her friend and so i managed to get out. later she tells wk how humji i am. so sad... =p i swear she finds me amusing. please don't let me flirt with her.

uh oh im so damn screwed its 2 am and i think my dad or mom just woke up... i'm going to try to shut the com quietly down... more updates tomolo. >>

25-1-03

wow. absolutely, wow. this week was like a dream. so damn fast, so many things happened... so cool... thanks mr chin, thanks adi, for making the class so vibrant. we were a riot man... i'm a damn flirt. flirting with 2 ppl at once proves to be absolutely difficult. but for most of the week, it was one. that one was winnie. she's a nice girl, she's cute, in a certain sense. she's not THAT chio, but passable. very, very, fit. fastest or second fastest in the class girls. that's what, 13 mins for 2.2 kliks over hilly terrain. i think so. slightly faster, once, and slower, once, than resident chio-girl yee ting.

which brings me to the very thing i hate about tj. how the pe is conducted. i mean, having girls around makes guy's run faster, everyone knows that. in tj, they split the guys from the girls and we do our pe very far apart. which i find weird and irritating. anyway, the pe's nothing to scream about, just 3.2 - 3.6 km every day, day after day. the girls run a 2.2 km route and meet us for the finishing leg, but slow guys wont even see the girls. and im a slow guy.

it gets damn boring. miss the ri days of learning something new everyday. but i learnt something new. ive been running the wrong way for 4-6 years now... instead of landing on my heel, i land on my toes, which gives me extra power but eats energy, or so my brother the tracker says. now he tells me... so thats why i tire so easily, thats why i cant feel my shins after i run 2.4, why my thighs dont even hurt a bit after i run 3.2 klik. even tho i don't look unfit. thats why. i tried the "correct" method and wow. i fly. must be the training with the wrong method, building up all the wrong muscles. straining body against technique.

one problem with bgr is that i still cant tell whats happening most of the time. i thot i liked winnie on wednesday and thursday. now im not so sure. i think cailin likes me, but i'm not sure. im not sure if winnie likes me, and whether it would be ethically correct to flirt wtih cailin now. i think timothy and yee ting are more than friends, but im not sure. problem is, i havent had much experience in telling who does what. ri's not exactly a great place to learn that.

anyway... its been such a hectic week i cant bother. or can i? time spent in my aunt's place ("home" now) is mostly chatting, with winnie, hozanna or others... then start doing homework when they sleep, at about 12, then i sleep at 1. cool. >>

19-1-03

i cant believe i forgot to blog last week... it was like for the whole week i was looking forward to blogging and then end up i only remember on my way back to my aunt's place... so too bad man. so many things happen i cant even remember everything. its been an amnesia-inducing week. oh boy. every week is an amnesia inducing week, IMHO.

anyway i joined guitar club, and ava club, and some informal mass dance thingy. not bad, since i managed to learn the couple dance properly. this week i auditioned for the guitar club's syf team (the syf is every two years so i needed to make sure i was in the team) and i got in. haha got guit background so it was rather easy. pui sze and valerie were with me and we all made it. they were overjoyed, man. could see it on their faces. but i wasn't so. it just provided another reason why i should stay in tjc. when i know thats impossible. or is it? i was debating with myself for the past 2 weeks on whether i should stay or not. it was really simple. if i was going, i wouldn't have to bother with the chem tutorials or the econs hw or the guitar syf. i could slack my way thru. but that wasn't exactly the case i wanted it to be.

now im acting as tho im staying in tjc. i'm fully on for all lectures and tutorials as well as joining clubs and extra activities that last into term 2. its going to make leaving tjc difficult. but if i didnt do that, i would never know what tjc has to offer. so thats what im doing right now. signing up for a lot of nonsense, that i wouldn't mind doing.

what's great about tj? the pple, the seniors are all very friendly and i've made friends with my ogl (jamie) and her friends and the student council attached to our og and jamie's house cap (she's vice cap if i not wrong) and all that kind of nonsense. as in the seniors will walk up to you and strike conversations. now i met quite a few from guitar club too. pui sze and ming hui are close friends and i've found more than an acquaintance in hozanna. i sense valerie's gonna grow to be one of those fun to be around friends. as in those laugh a lot ppl. and her knowledge of music is great.

but then, why would i want to leave? quite a few substantial reasons too... tj doesn't offer computing, which i want to take... its a heck of a distance from my house, i have to live with my aunt. she's moving this year to punggol. and her house has no com. its rather important to me. none of my friends from ri or church are in tj. there's you quan but he's not that close. i think there's a bit of pride in it too. like i hate pple telling me "YOU'RE in tj?"

well yeah. girls-wise, tj's quite regular. of course got the occasional "xiao4 hua1". i remember 4 of them at least anyway. but of course, as ben says, my tastes are skewed. so i'm biased, ok? >>

5-1-03

sorry to all faithful readers... its been a heck of a week. now i live at my aunt's place so i'm finding it a little difficult to blog except on sats and suns... so you can come here less often...

tjc's orientation is really cool... a little boring in the mornings but the games are very well planned and it was great because i woke up in the morning feeling excited to go again. the mass dances are great and the fact that im in the best OG really helps... as in certified best. we are the champs. we have a great OGL and great OGAs... all the ppl i met there are great... especially the tomboyish pui sze, the cutely irritating minghui (because he only irritates ppl who are irritating) and the VERY chio, VERY on irene. she's like doesn't talk to the guys but - whoa- watch her act. great singer too...

she was a wonder at the campfire. supposed to act as a couple with someone else. (by being picked she was already confirmed as the chioest one in the group) she was like - everyone was asking "is that her boyfriend?" as in really really good acting. as in, real hugs. as in, real cuddling. holding hands even when especially not necessary. saying "we both love movies, so maybe we go and catch one after the campfire" even i wondered. felt disappointed even. with myself, of course. why i say great singer? because when acting she was supposed to be singing in the shower (while her partner tried to peek in, but thats a different point) and as she sang "on the first day of christmas" pui sze (who is in choir and was sitting next to me) commented "wow, she's quite a good singer". which is a compliment especially when coming from a solo singer, sop1. i personally was blown away.

and after she came back to the group im like "great job man" she's like "ni men bi wo de" (translation: you ppl forced me" didn't look like she needed much encouragement.

sadly, as i said, there's no com at my aunt's place so suffering a variant of the computer withdrawal symptoms... no appetite lately too...

sunday was pretty ok... dunno but minxian keeps talking about something to ervin and i think its -that-, but im not sure. she tries to get away from me wheneva i'm too near. which is smart, because i -was- trying to listen in. for a little bit. joyce was funny. indeed. im flirting with her, i think. she's flirting with me, i think.

going to bring ben's cam over tomolo to try to catch some pics of 'rene. and soph' too when i meet her at the airport to send her off. hope it wont look too awkward. going to try to drag down joyce and cheryl. then it wont be too bad.

im gonna bring a diary to my aunt's place. so next week you can expect a -splat- update again. >>